Destiny
by BanterInABox
Summary: Bella's life is going great. She has an amazing boyfriend, awesome friends and everything is running smoothly. Then Edward reads something he wasn't meant to see and everything in Bellas life crumbles and things are not what they seem. AU/AH
1. Chapter 1

These characters do not belong to me.

This is my first fanfic, so please enjoy and review

Destiny

Preface

I know what is happening to me but it doesn't change anything, it doesn't help.

I know that I'm losing a lot of blood from my left arm. I know that this is because I severed the artery as I fell into the cliff face that runs parallel to the path, onto a particularly jagged rock. I know my body is going to shut down soon from the shock. I know the pain will fade with my consciousness.

I know that pressure should be applied to the wound; I know it should be bandaged tightly to restrict my arm from losing too much blood. I know that the dust that rose from my fall onto the dirt path is settling into the wound. I know that Tanya's pacing while she dials 999 is kicking up more dust; I know the stinging pain is the least of my worries.

Because I know Tanya wasn't paying attention to the first aid tutorial DVD. I know, as I sat next to her, she was texting. I know she doesn't know a thing about bandaging and applying pressure or even what the name of the artery I've severed is, despite her being my lab partner in biology for the past five years.

I lie on this red stained dirt path with Tanya talking frantically to someone on the phone – they're probably trying to coach her on how to apply pressure though I know she won't because she's petrified of blood- and the thing I can't help but notice, above the pain, is that this country path is ages away from the school or any houses. I know that when help arrives it will be too late. I know I'm not going to make it.

My vision blurs, my thoughts unravel and my frustration at Tanya's frantic uselessness, and everything else, fades into oblivion. My anger bleeds away. My brain has gone numb and cold. All feeling evaporates under the sun that tries to steal through my eyelids as they droop shut. As the pain subsides and my senses switch off I will a picture of him to the forefront of my hazy mind. He would want to be the last thing I think about.

I realise I want that too.

And then...


	2. Chapter 2

Destiny

Chapter 1

Sometimes, I wish I was dead.

Not because I'm depressed and hate my life; or because there's something I'm running way from; or even something I'm running to-but out of sheer, unabashed curiosity.

I want to see people's reaction to my death. I know my parents would cry, but how much? Would they regret everything they'd ever said to me that pushed me away? Would they treat my brother and sister differently? What would they do to my room? Leave it intact, dirty clothes and all, to leave every last trace of me they had or would they clean it out? Quit me cold turkey to try and relieve the pain?

And what about the girl that occasionally bully me? Would they feel guilty, ashamed? Happy? Anything towards me at all? Would they wish they could take back every bitchy remark? Would they act like we'd been best friends to anyone who talked about me to forget the few moments of my life they'd made miserable?

And what about my friends, Edward and Tanya and all the others? How upset would they be? Would they talk about me to remember the good times? Or would they never mention me in an attempt to scrub me from their memory; lock me in a box that I would share with every painful memory their adolescent years had brought?

And what about all the other people at school? The people who I passed everyday without seeing? Would they be sad? Inwardly miss me as the girl who they saw every Tuesday to fourth period French? Or would they ask "Bella who?" if I was mentioned?

And what about Jacob? What would he say? What would he think about the future we never got to share? Would he mourn me for years afterwards and let it affect all future relationships because the girl next to him wasn't me? Would he say he love me because it was true but he had never worked up the courage to say it to my face; or because he felt no harm could possibly come of it when I was gone?

I wandered aimlessly along, sifting through my morbid thoughts and looking at every possible outcome of my early death. It was stupid, I know, because obviously I would never know the effect of my death: I'd be dead.

Just as I concluded my reflection on Jacobs heartfelt confession of love at my funeral, something, from the corner of my eye, slammed full pelt into me, winding me as I was knocked to the ground.

I am actually going to kill him!

"Edward!" I screeched as I tried to kick him off me. "That really hurt!"

"Aww, quite your whining, you're fine" he laughed as he got up and brushed the dirt off his baggy jeans.

"A little help" I growled, still flat on my back.

Laughing still, he grabbed my outstretched hand and yanked me to my feet. I punched his shoulder as hard as I could and went about recollecting my school bag and P.E kit that were dampened by the wet pavement.

"Would you like to explain the point in that?" I demanded.

"Just to see your face" He grinned.

"I'll never speak to you again if you don't come up with a better reason than that. You really hurt my back, fatty!"

Ignoring my crude insult, he just laughed again-it was really getting on my nerves- and said "You'll never speak to me again? That might have been the best thing I've ever done!"

I punched him in the ribs and strode away. He caught up with me and, laughing again-it would really be the death of him- tried to appease me. "I knocked you down because I thought I saw a UFO threatening to beam you aboard and take you back to your native planet. I thought you'd appreciate me prolonging your existence on earth... That a good enough reason?"

"Not quite..." I began, "There was something lacking..." I feigned thoughtfulness and, sticking my foot out to trip him up, cried "Like a valid reason!" and ran away as he fell into a bush, identical to the one he'd sprang at me from.

"You are so getting it!" I heard him vow, his pride clearly dented at being tripped into a bush by me.

I laughed at him as he chased after me. I was so much faster than him, albeit my coordination was not nearly as good, that I almost felt bad for leaving him behind, but then I remembered he had knocked me down, so I sped up, trying my hardest not to trip. I knew how much he'd love that.

"Want me to take a five minute time out to give you a chance to catch up?" I called over my shoulder while still keeping my eyes ahead.

"Not quite" he said smugly, right behind me.

_Impossible_, I thought. Edward was so slow. There was no way he could have caught up with me.

I quickly spun around, stumbled and fell into... Jacob.

"Ah" That explained it. Jacob is the fasted runner in the school. Edward is, arguably, the slowest.

"What?" Jacob said, hurt, "No, "hello my love"? Is this the only greeting I'm going to get?"

Smiling, I fit myself into his arms and continued my journey home with Jacob by my side.

***


	3. Chapter 3

Destiny

Chapter 2

I didn't see Edward for the rest of that day.

After Jacob went out of his way to drop my home I flopped onto the couch and pasted my eyes to the T.V.

I amused myself with imagining Edward still trying to catch up to me, running at a snail's pace that meant he was only halfway up the hill I had sprinted up first.

But there was something strangely unsettling about his absence. He usually always walked me home after school, like he had done every day since I met him in nursery. In those days our mums walked us home, or rather chased us home, and they became close friends meaning I usually say Edward every day after school.

When his mum died of cancer, 6 years previously when we were both 10, it was a serious blow to both our families. My mum had lost a most beloved friend and I lost a woman who was practically my aunt, if not a second mum.

The pain Edward went through rubbed off on the whole of my family in a continuous, abrasive scar. He missed school for a couple of moths but that didn't stop us from seeing him every day. Me, Mum, dad and the terrible twins: Alice and Emmet, visited Edward and his dad, Carlisle everyday and the pleasant memories we shared pulled both our families through the abyss.

I remember when I offered giving Alice and Emmet to Edward to balance the families out. I laughed as I remembered his horrified face at such a prospect: Alice and Emmet have to be the most annoying twins that ever besmirched the planet with their presence!

"What's so funny?" Mum asked as she walked into the room and pulled me out my reverie.

"Oh, hey mum," I said as I rose to hug her. "I was just thinking about my offer to donate Alice and Emmet to Edward after Esme died"

Mum smiled; a thing that had become well practiced over the years of effort to come to terms with her friend's death. "I remember that; he came storming down the stairs to complain to Carlisle about your horrible offer and then you started crying because you had wanted him to accept so badly"

"I don't remember crying" I said defiantly.

"Oh yes you did. You got tears all over my new blouse"

"Well, I haven't cried since then!"

"No, you haven't, you unfeeling child" She jested as she ruffled my hair. I was unimpressed.

I pulled a cushion off the couch and hit her with it, and so our evening continued as it often does in our household, in an upbeat, lively way.

And I forgot all about Edward and his absence.

Waking up is always an effort. You have to draw the veil between reality and the strange dream you had involving your maths teacher winning an Oscar for tap dancing; you have to wait for ten minutes till you've summoned the strength to open your eyes, one heavy lid at a time; and when your eyes are finally open, you have to get used to the ridiculously bright bedside light which turned on in your attempt to turn off the alarm clock; and then you have to wait another five minutes before you feel brave enough to leave the humid warmth of you duvet and let your feet meet the colder air that's outside the bed.

What a trial! Parents don't give teenagers enough credit for the battle faced every morning.

I finally conquered my sleep and dragged myself out of bed. The alarm clock, which was now on the floor after I smacked it so it would shut up, read 6:15. As I tell myself every single, I am insane. I pulled off my warm pyjamas and changed into my shorts and t-shirt. Heading down to the kitchen, I nearly decked it down the stairs in the dark. Again, I am insane.

I poured myself a glass of water and splashed it over my face to wake myself up. It never works that well, I just succeed in getting myself cold and wet.

Sighing, I stretched in the hall to warm up. It looked like a cold brisk morning outside; in the nights last effort to be night before dawn fully broke through the horizon.

Bracing myself I opened the door and stood, for a minute or two, in the temperature limbo: the place between outsides piercing cold and insides welcoming warmth.

I sighed again, my breath suspended like lace in front of my eyes, and started running.

I nearly wept as I realised I'd forgotten my iPod but I knew if I went back to get it I would dive straight under my duvet and never leave my house again. So I carried on and tried not to pay attention to the sharp air as it cut at my legs and arms and advanced down my lungs like an armed battalion with every controlled breath.

I ran down the hill, smiling as I passed the bush that I'd pushed Edward into, and rounded the corner running towards my school. I tried not to think about walking through those iron gates later on today so I turned my thoughts to Jacob.

We used to take our morning runs together but we found it was too distracting because all the talking and affectionate bickering made us lose our focus on keeping our breathing even. It was so wonderful to be able to be in a relationship with someone who I could be honest with. I was able to tell Jacob his company was distracting and find out he felt the same way with no offense taken on either side.

That is the thing about me: I have to be focused, especially when it comes to running. I can't stand being sidetracked by anything and giving less than my all. My training is so important to me considering I want to be girl's number one in the county and despite all my determination to be focused, I'm easily distracted anyway.

My run continued around the school's perimeter and led me up the long way to my house. I passed Edwards house round the block from mine and I thought of him, still in his bed, blissfully unaware of how cold it was out here.

As I reached my house I stopped outside my door and watched the sky change as the sun rose. The stripe of bleached white on the horizon ascended, engulfing the deep blue. It looked like oil in water: never fusing, separated by some invisible barrier. Warm colours started to awaken, stretching their long arms across the sky and pushing the deep blue farther away from the sun.

As I entered the house, I could tell it was going to be a glorious day.


	4. Chapter 4

**_I do not own the characters. _**

**_(And i know that some of the physical descriptions are different but its not totally based on the characters from twilight by Stephenie Meyer)_**

Destiny

Chapter 3

"Hurry up!" the voice called from downstairs.

"Patience is a virtue, you know" I yelled back, my mouth frothing with toothpaste foam as I hastily scrubbed my teeth.

"Being on time is a virtue too" the voice retorted.

I heard dad moving to the bottom of the stairs, "Bella, Edward is here"

"Yeah, I noticed dad. He's preaching virtues to me already!"

"Ok, as long as you know"

I finished brushing my teeth and ran downstairs. Edwards's bag was in the hall and I kicked it out the way, putting my bag in its place.

He was in the front room, splayed across the couch, watching T.V. I stood in the door but he didn't notice me, so I dropped to my knees and crawled around the back of my couch as quietly as possible. I positioned myself behind where his head was and sprang up yelling, "BOO!"

He rolled off the couch away from me, screaming in fright.

"Why did you do that?" he asked in fury as he picked himself off the carpet.

"Just to see your face, and it was worth it" I justified, throwing yesterdays excuse back at him. "Now hurry up, we are going to be late!"

Grumbling, he followed me into the hall and searched for his bag.

"Why did you move my bag?" he demanded.

"It was in my place"

"Your place?"

"Yes, my place! This is _**my**_ house, isn't it? So I can dump _**my**_ bag where I want"

"It may be your house, but your parents like me better" he said so boastfully I nearly punched him.

"Do not!"

"Yes, they do!"

My dad entered the hall from the kitchen, "He's right Bella, we like Edward better"

"But you love me more" I growled at the same time Edward smirked at me saying, "Cheers, Charlie"

"Well... sure..." my dad said in a way that could not possibly have meant to be reassuring.

"Ha!" Edward exclaimed as he walked out the door, his bag slung casually over his shoulder, his bronze hair shining as the sunlight hit it.

"Da-ad!" I moaned.

"What?"

"I know you're joking but a little bit of help would be appreciated"

He caught me round the waist and kissed me on the forehead "Of course we love you more, now hurry up or you'll be late"

His sentiment was echoed from outside, though Edward wasn't as polite as he told me to get a move on.

"I might actually kill him today" I warned Charlie.

"As long as you get to school on time"

"Always" I grinned as I kissed him on the cheek and followed Edward out the door, closing it behind me.

I love Edward though I would never admit it to him. I don't think he'd know what to say back. Girls don't tell their best guy friends they love them or things could get confused and complicated and a life of friendship could be lost. Of course, I'm not _**in **_love with him, that's just wrong. I love him very dearly as a friend. The "in love" box is one I might put Jacob in once we've been going out for a bit longer. I wouldn't say I loved him yet; though on the occasion I do there would only be one meaning.

I'm the sort of girl who waits for the guy to ask me out. I don't make the first move, that's his job and it's so great that Jacob did ask me out.

I remember it well; he waited for me outside the school gates after running club and we just fell into simple conversation when he blurted out that he really liked me and would I go out with him? It wasn't very romantic but he was so cute with his hair beaded with water from his shower and his face, already flushed from the afternoons exercise, steadily growing redder. Obviously, I had to say yes. He looked so happy and I knew I felt the same way. Prefect!

I tried to remember what date that had been...

_**Crap! **_I can't remember when our three month anniversary is though I know it's sometime this week. I just hope it isn't today.

"What you thinking?" Edward asked as he nudged me playfully, though I thought I saw a hint of curiosity in his eyes, probably at my panic stricken expression.

"What's the date today?"

"Er... 15th"

I moaned.

"What's wrong?"

"I think I've forgotten my 3 month anniversary"

I saw his eyes tighten slightly. "You sure?"

"I don't know... I can't- I can't remember" I closed my eyes to try to visualise my calendar. I'm sure I'd written it up.

"Whoa!" Edward called as I stumbled. My eyes flew open as his arms quickly caught me.

"Oops" I mumbled, feeling my face flush.

"What you doing walking about with your eyes closed?" he demanded, his look incredulous.

"I was trying to visualise my calendar" I said sheepishly.

He rolled his eyes as he let go of my arms, his fingers brushing along them slightly, as if I was making sure I wouldn't fall over again.

I shivered slightly but smiled wryly as I heard him mutter "Idiot".

Typical Edward: always finding faults; pointing out flaws; highlighting my waning intelligence.

Crap! Crap! Crap!

This is not good!

It's so obvious I've forgotten! What's he going to think? I'm such a bad girlfriend!

"Hey beautiful"

"Hi Jacob" I said meekly. This is so bad! He's standing there with a big bunch of roses and a neatly wrapper present looking as amazing as I've ever seen him.

He walked forward, pulling me into a hug that soaked me in guilt and all I could think about was Edward, smiling behind him, acknowledging my horrible mistake. It's a good thing I warned Charlie this morning because I'm going to kill Edward!

"Happy anniversary" Jacob whispered as he kissed my hair.

I pulled away from him, "Er... about that..." I fumbled for a way to make him see my incompetence without breaking up with me. I couldn't find one.

"You forgot. I knew you would, but its ok" he smiled warmly at, me and I swear I could have drowned in the depths of his big blue eyes, the fresh warm colour of the Caribbean sea.

"You're... ok?... with me forgetting?" I asked in disbelief.

"Of course, I know you, and I don't need anything from you anyway"

"So you're not going to break up with me for being such a lousy girlfriend?"

"Hell no!" he exclaimed and then added, "Cause then I'd have to take the present back, and what am I supposed to do with a bunch of roses?"

I giggled nervously. I honestly don't deserve a guy like Jacob.

He handed me the present and I carelessly unwrapped it as I attacked the paper.

"Whoa, steady on girl!" Jacob laughed.

"Sorry", I said as I peeled the paper more slowly. "Oh Jacob, thank you" I held up the hoody he had bought me: the one I had seen in town on our first date but hadn't bought because it was quite expensive. It was black with fluorescent stars streaked across it. "What do you think Edward?" I turned around but I couldn't see him. I swear, the boy couldn't beat a snail in a race but he could be bloody Houdini if he wanted to.

The bell rang for registration and Jacob took my hand as we walked to our registration classes.

"I know you're forgetful" Jacob began, "But you do remember it's my 17th birthday in two days?"

I froze. "No, it's not" I whispered.

He planted himself in front of me. "You forgot my 17th?" he accused, his eyes colder.

"No..." I whispered again. My stomach had knotted tightly and I couldn't breathe. I am such a failure as a girlfriend!

"Yes, you did"

"Oh man! I'm so sorry. I will get you something, it just might not be that good-"

He cut me off, "Honey, I'm kidding"

"Ugh!" I screeched causing several passersby to stare at me. "That's not funny!"

"Yes it was, you overreact so much"

"Why did you do that?" I demanded in fury as he dodged a punch for his shoulder.

"Just to see your face!" He grinned, catching my arm as I blew by him.

"What is it with everyone and my face?" I moaned. First Edward, now Jacob. It was getting old fast.

Jacob brought his hands down to mine, intertwining our fingers. "Because," he said softly, his eyes warm once again, "You have the most beautiful face so you shouldn't blame people for wanting to see it in different emotions"

I scoffed at him. He probably thought it was because I was denying his claims of my beauty (it was partly that) but mostly it was because I could clearly see Edward, in my mind's eye, falling over laughing at that line because he would think it was just so cheesy and such a lie.

I blushed as I tried to think what to say and then, looking around, noticed everyone had gone. "Crap! We should get to registration."

"Oh yeah," he mused as he let go of one of my hands and led me to our registration classes which were on the same floor.

He kissed my forehead and handed me the roses he still had and then he walked away, leaving me staring after him, trying to figure out when I had died and gone to heaven.

**_Hope you've enjoyed this so far. Read and review. _**

**_Laters :)_**


	5. Chapter 5

**Destiny**

**Chapter 4**

"Hey Bella", the cheerful voice greeted me as I entered double maths.

"Hey Tanya, where's Edward?" I asked as I took my place beside her.

"I dunno" she shrugged as she fished in her bag for the mammoth textbook.

I began the fight with my bag as I attempted to release my textbook from the clutches of my history folder and English books.

"Hi" his voice slid into my ear. I let out a high pitched squeal as I dropped my bag on my foot.

"For Pete's sake, Edward! Why in the world do you keep sneaking up on me?"

As he opened his mouth to speak I clamped my hand over his lips. "And don't dare say _to see the look on my face!"_ I growled.

His eyes were bright with amusement and I could tell he had a ridiculously wide and crooked grin smeared across his face beneath my hand.

As I glared into his eyes, I saw an idea flash across their surface and pulled my hand away quickly just as he stuck his tongue out.

"Edward! Were you going to lick me?"

Obviously, I said that very loudly at one of those horrible moments when the rest of the class momentarily stops talking. Their faces turned in unison and stared at me and Edward as if we were an act in the circus.

I laughed as Edward went red under their scrutiny and that's when Mr Chalmers walked in.

"My, we're quiet today" he said suspiciously as the heads swivelled back to the front silently.

One stupid ned in the front row piped up, "Edward was trying to lick Bella, sir"

I hate that boy.

Mr Chalmers eyed us with new found amusement and after assessing Edwards embarrassment said "Could you please keep your eating habits in check till outside the classroom Mr Cullen though, I'm sure, there will be something in the school rules against cannibalism."

The class sniggered as Edward wiped his face of his embarrassment and, sighing, gave a resigned nod and said sadly "Ok, sir, if you insists. I won't eat her in class" His false dejected nature gave him the leverage needed to prevent the class from questioning him as to the real reason behind his attempted licking and Mr. Chalmers quickly begun the lesson.

The whole class sat in silence as we feigned learning and as soon as soon as the exercises were assigned, the separate discussions broke out.

"Ha ha, gutted to you Edward," Hissed Tanya across my desk.

"Not really" he shrugged as if his face had not been glowing like a Christmas decoration moments before.

His ability to change his attitude towards a situation was admirable. He had gone from event mortification to comic cannibal in seconds. I wish I could do that sometimes but I can't change my outward emotions as it suits. My emotions run wild and free hence my ever so slightly violent tendencies...

"So, why did you try and lick me?" I whispered, avoiding another embarrassing announcement to the class.

"To see the look on your face" he said quickly. I kicked him under the table and we sat in silence for the next few minutes after Edward drew the classes' attention, yet again, with a yell of pain.

I pulled out my notebook and started a note because conversation proved risky in the fluctuating noise level of the maths class.

"I'm so sick of that excuse" I wrote.

"Well, tough" was his reply.

We carried on our written banter, as we do, until Edward turned the page to write another oh-so-witty comment when he came across a conversation I'd had with Jacob the week before in history. He started reading.

"No!" I spat, "Give that back"

Edward moved the notebook to the other side of the table and continued reading.

I could feel my face redden as I thought over the conversation that we had communicated across the blank paper, now covered in romantic confessions and embarrassing secrets. It's how we spend history periods, silently learning more and more about the other instead of World Wars.

And now Edward would know everything.

"Edward!" I hissed, arousing Tanya's attention. "This isn't funny. Give it back now!"

Tanya put down her pen and gave me an inquiring look.

"Me and Jacob and history" I explained under my breath. She understood due to sharing our class and an entertained expression infested her features. I hadn't let her read it wither, she would be no help.

Edwards face was blank, indecipherable. Every so often a smirk would flit across it- probably at one of Jacobs more cheesy comments- but apart from that his features were meticulously smooth, too smooth. He was trying so hard to look passive, uninterested and slightly bored; a convincing facade but I knew him too well for it to assure me of his lack of interest in what he was reading. His eyes, in the surface, were blank but they were a code I'd spent my whole life learning to solve. Indecipherable to some: a welcome challenge to me.

He was saddened by what he read; the mournful green of his eyes gave that much away, but I figured I'd gotten that wrong. Why would he be sad? Must be due to continual embarrassment in maths or something stupid like that.

As I sat, trying the get a taste for his mood, he turned to face me. "You discussed me?" he whispered. His voice slightly injured and there seemed to be a hint of pride- though I'd probably gotten that wrong at the current noise level of the class and he was barely audible.

And then I forgot about trying to read Edward and my thoughts turned back to what he was reading.

About him.

Oh crap!

***

_Oh-oh. Whats going to happen? Find out in the next chapter._

_Read and review people :)_


	6. Chapter 6

_Yo yo peeps. Hope you're enjoying so far. This bit is the written convo between bella and Jacob. Bella is in italics in case there's any confusion. Enjoy and review_**Destiny**

* * *

**Chapter 5**

"Hey"

_"Hey"_

"I really can't be bothered with history"

_"Same"_

"But it's so much better sitting beside you"

_"And with you"_

"Wanna play the random question game?"

_"How do you play?"_

"It's not difficult, even for a girl. We ask each other questions and the other has to answer honestly"

_"Ok... you ask first"_

"Why do you fancy me?"

_"Urm... because you're so handsome and funny and I feel amazed you'd want to go out with someone like me cause you're totally out of my league"_

"Bullshit"

_"Well, why do you want to go out with me?"_

"Because you're eyes change colour in the light and go from freshest, palest green of a sun-soaked forest to a shadowy emerald that sparkles like a thousand nights. Your hair is like woven silk, you're smart and funny and make the cutest expressions when you're angry or scared or happy. Every aspect of you is beautiful"

_"Wow! That just makes my answer look like crap"_

"Not a chance. Any remote chance there is of you fancying me is enough to make me feel like the luckiest guy alive"

_"Well, then everyone else must be incredibly unlucky"_

"That's what I', saying! Anyway, my question. Why don't you swear? I've noticed it quite a bit"

_"Well, Edwards Mum always used to say that swearing a lot showed a lack of vocabulary or anything useful to say, so even though I was only young, I made a conscious effort not o swear despite not many children that age swearing. It was very hard when she died, she was like a second mum to me and it seemed like disrespecting her memory to swear. Edward doesn't swear either for that very reason. I know it may seem silly, but it's important to us. It just makes sense."_

"It's not silly, I think it's cute"

_"Yeah, my family and Edwards are basically like a big family. We've known each other for years. Edwards the best sort of brother"_

"How so?"

_"Because we don't live together, he doesn't get to annoy me constantly but he knows me well enough to know how I tick and I know him, likewise. So we know practically everything about each other and we've seen the best and worst bits of each other over the years which mean we never pretend around each other. He knows me inside out like a brother but gets to see me as a friend."_

"So you pretend around me?"

_"Sometimes..."_

"Why?"

_"Because I'm scared that if I make a wrong move, you'll dump me. I can make as many wrong moves around Edward as I want but he's stuck with me because our families are so close."_

"You think so little of me?"

_"No, it's not that, it's just that I don't trust myself. I'm somehow very talented at ruining things."_

"The only one who could mess this up would be me"

_"Not possible but my question now. Do you like Edward?"_

"No"

_"Why?"_

"Have you seen the way he looks as you? It's creepy. And when he hugs you he holds on for that bit longer which is annoying, especially since you're going out with me"

_"You're just being paranoid. You wouldn't be so freaked out if it was Tanya"_

"That cause Tanya is a girl, it's different"

_"Not to me, it's not"_

"OK dear, let's not argue, I just think you should be aware"

_"Edward means nothing to me like that. You're my everything"_

"That's very reassuring"


	7. Chapter 7

**Destiny**

**Chapter 6**

Now would be the perfect time for swearing.

"You see me as a brother?" he choked out quietly.

Aww man! I bet he's disgusted I see us as that close. He's a boy, isn't he? Boys don't tend to do the whole touchy feely stuff, do they? He must think I'm such a loser for seeing us as that close!

And I talked about his mum. He must be in so much pain right now, especially since I wrote about what effect she had on me. We never really talk about that kind of thing. It must be opening up a wound somewhere, me talking about his mum so intimately.

I loved Esme.

How would she feel about me hurting Edward like that?

* * *

She's hurting me so much but she doesn't seem to realise. She sees me as her brother? How's that supposed to make me feel?

And that ass, Jacob, calling me a creep! I could kill him... if I could catch him; fucking cheetah!

And that's the other thing. She said I didn't swear out of respect for mum, when in actually fact, I don't swear out of respect for her. Bella. My Bella...

How the hell can such beautiful eyes be so blind? She has the most amazing eyes. Dickhead Jacob got that much right; she is beautiful. I would just never degrade her like he does. I mean, come on! "Hair like woven silk!" who says that? Besides, there's nothing silky about her hair! It's fiery and fierce, it's always a mess, always doing something strange but at the same time, it's doing what it naturally does. It's untameable. It's like her.

"Emerald that sparkles like a thousand nights?" that's just disgusting; and he calls me the creep? He's the one who can't seem to get the right shade of her eyes. They're not "pale green" or "emerald!" They're deep and soulful, a muddy green that is fresh and revitalising. Our parents always said we have the same eyes.

Jacob doesn't know anything about her! Not every aspect of her is beautiful. It's the most ugly thing in the world to see her cry because it doesn't just scrunch up her eyes, it makes her face red and blotchy and it's such a painful thing to witness. I haven't seen her cry since I refused to accept Alice and Emmet as my brother and sister (for very good reason!) but I still remember it well. It may have been five years ago but I can still remember the sound of it. Definitely not beautiful.

And her temper is ferocious! She doesn't "make the cutest expression", she pulls evil masks that would make a beefy bouncer wet himself.

At least someone in that notebook got something right. I do know everything about her; she doesn't need to hide anything from me. The difference is, I pretend around her constantly: I have to let go of her even when I want to hold on forever; I knock her to the ground to prevent me sweeping her off her feet; I smile at her when I want to cry because someone else gets to call them theirs; I don't want to lick her hand, I want to taste her lips, her perfect lips that have unnatural powers over me, one smile alone sends me reeling.

That's the biggest difference between me and Jacob: he puts her on a pedestal because she's a stranger to him, he puts her way up high so he can avoid admitting he doesn't really know her and so she doesn't get close enough to see the bastard he is.

Whereas, I keep her close enough because she completes me: not in the cheesy way Jacob might say it, but because I have patience- would I have waited for her this long if I didn't?- where she has none; I have focus while she is easily distracted, though she is more determined than me and gives me the power to strive onwards; I have humility- I only feign dented pride so she doesn't see how much I truly love making her laugh, even if it is at my expense- she is quite lacking in humility, probably because of how Jacob treats her.

I know her so well. She doesn't know me though. Not the side of me that I'd want her to see.

I love her too much to make her choose.

I don't hate myself enough to watch her choose wrong; choose Jocob.

* * *

_ooh, getting interesting now. enjoy people. review my lovelies_


	8. Chapter 8

**Destiny**

**Chapter 7**

* * *

"Yes" I murmured. "Yes, I see you as a brother. Is that so bad?"

"No" he said shaking his head as if trying to dislodge a bad thought.

"Then what's wrong? Don't you think we're close like that?" I was trying to keep my voice level and quiet. It was not a good time to create another scene but something's wrong with him, seriously wrong. It's so obvious he's losing it, what I have no idea what "it" is!

What has he possibly lost that's making him freak out like this?

His mum?

Why did I mention her? I should have known better than that. But how was I meant to know he'd read the notebook? It's his own fault, really.

"No," he said regaining his composure, smoothing over his features and controlling the rage that had lit up his eyes.

I knew it. He doesn't think we're that close. He must think I'm a total loser for even saying-

"We're much closer than that" a new kind of ferocity rekindled in his eyes, an urgency that I couldn't quite understand shook his hands and the sincerity of his feelings made me smile.

"Yes, we are. Friends are much closer than brothers and sister; best friends, even. Friends forever."

And just like that, the fire died; the urgency whooshed out of his mouth in a low hiss that sounded like "shit".

"Pardon?" I gasped, alarmed.

His eyes moved from my face back to his jotter. "Friends," he said, smiling. I couldn't see his eyes. They were closed in a serene mask that was covering up a storm I couldn't see or understand.

A storm I had somehow, without meaning to or even realising it, created.

Well isn't that just grand?

* * *

The girl is a total moron! You'd think that someone who had as good grades as she did would realise when someone is so obviously in love with her.

But that's typical Bella. She's so busy being all gooey and focused on Jacob; she's missing the pain she's causing Edward. And he's so busy being focused on her; he doesn't realise the pain he's causing me.

Well woop-dee-do.! Who said love triangles weren't fun? It's all wonderful and romantic for Bella; she's got Edward and Jacob to choose from but even though she's an idiot for choosing Jacob, at least Edward is eligible.

But even still, who do I have? Absolutely no one. I can paste Tanya Denali for Mr. Nobody all over my jotters when I'm itching to write Edward Cullen by my name.

Tanya Cullen.

Has a nice ring to it I think. But that's in a parallel universe. That's impossible.

That's not my destiny and the sooner I come to terms with that, the sooner I can move on.

Poor Edward though, he's well and truly stuck in the mud that some people call love.

* * *

Math's is finished and I'm still trying to figure out what had Edward so worked up. Him and Tanya are acting quiet which is really out of sorts. Oh well, they'll get over it, whatever _it_ is...

But never mind them. Here comes Jacob.

"Happy anniversary" I smiled, determined to say it before he did.

"Ahh, she remembers," he crooned.

Edward made a noise in the back of his throat as Jacob ducked down to kiss me lightly on the lips. (we haven't had a proper first kiss yet, but it's bound to be soon) We both turned to stare at him but he was already stalking away. Tanya gave me a look that just didn't make sense. It seemed quite incredulous but it also looked like she was... angry with me?

She regarded me with the funny look for a moment before pivoting round and skipping to catch up with Edward. She linked arms with him and rested her head on his shoulder. He looked down at her and I could see a smile play across his face before they both disappeared around the corner.

Usually the three of us would link arms, three amigos, three musketeers, three parts of a whole.

But they were gone.

I felt something bubble up inside me and hot shivers shook my body beneath Jacobs hands.

"You cold?" he asked.

I nodded uncertainly as he wrapped his arms around me.

What was that feeling? I couldn't put a name on it, but it felt important...

Jealousy? No, it couldn't be. Why would I be jealous? Jealous of what? Jealous of who? Edward? Tanya? For what?

I was just being silly, allowing my thoughts to twist and writhe into something nonsensical.

I have Jacob. He is everything.

* * *

_ooh, its getting exciting (i hope)_

_read and review, i love to hear whatever you've got to say._

_I've only got 2 reviews :( and as great as they are, i'm greedy for me!_


	9. Chapter 9

**Destiny**

**Chapter 8**

"I can hear your pulse" she whispered as we walked away from Destiny and _him._

Tanya's head rested on my shoulder, her ear close to my neck. It can't be comfortable for her, her head bouncing with every necessary step I take to get away from that pain that physically made me gag. Why would Tanya cause herself discomfort like that?

"Oh" my voice came out in a monotonous tone as realisation caught up with me. "You like me" I stated. Fact. How had I not seen this before?

I pushed aside the voice that reminded me _The same way Bella doesn't see how much you love her_

Tanya froze, her arm was still linked with mine so her abrupt halt swung me round to face her.

"Yes," she stated, her eyes were heavily guarded. A mud fortress, I couldn't help contrasting them to Bella's eyes, just because.

I calculated this. Tanya likes me. I like Tanya. Tanya fancies me. I love Bella. Bella is busy fancying Jacob. Jacob fancies himself. Me and Tanya seem to be at the bottom of this love triangle... square... shape...

"So... wanna go out?" I don't know why I asked. It could be for various reasons: to make Bella jealous, to stop feeling lonely, to make Tanya happy. Ok, scrub that last one. I said it for myself; I can't even pretend I did it for Tanya. We're barely that friendly, rally. We're held together by a common link. It all boils down to Bella.

"No!" Tanya gasped, horrified.

Ok, I'm confused.

"What? Why?"

"I don't want your pity!"-She clearly thinks too highly of me-"I don't want you to go out with me because I want to go out with you. I know you don't love me. You love-"

Something in my face must have given something away.

"Oh" she breathed softly. Her eyes dimmed as she smiled, defeated."Not out of pity. Of course. You want to make her jealous. Of course"

I regarded her carefully. She was pretty, with her strawberry blonde hair, pale simple complexion and soft brown eyes, but she just wasn't Bella. My memories of her don't go back to infancy; she isn't in more of my family photo albums than I am; she doesn't snort when she laughs; she doesn't actually growl when she's angry. She's just not Bella.

"I'm sorry" I muttered, poor compensation for having just attempted to use her.

"Not as sorry as I am" she said as she hugged me. My arms folded around her and we stood for a moment or two, comforting each other's loss; trying to mend the others broken heart.

She unravelled her arms and, balancing on tippy toes, stretched up to kiss me on the cheek before walking away.

Dazed, I brushed my fingers over the moist scar her lips had branded on me. A reminder: I was hurting her as much as Bella was hurting me.

* * *

_this is just a wee short chapter but it sets the next one up for a cliffy._

_my bad ;)_

_read and review people!_


	10. Chapter 10

_Howdy. chapter 10 has arrived. how exciting!_

_once you've read what i hope is a good continuation of the stroy, tell me what you think. I need your reviews people! They fuel my fanfiction life ;)_

_enjoy_

_R&R_

**Destiny**

**Chapter 10**

I'm going crazy. I always knew I was a bit strange; getting up at insane hours in the morning, sticking to rigorous exercise regimes and hellish diets, but this is something else altogether. _This is what going insane feels like! _

What was Edward talking about? And why to Mrs Bishop? What is he not telling me? It must be about Tanya, I decided. They were going out and he didn't want me to know. But why? Why would he keep this a secret from me?

We've known each other for years, been through so much together, we're practically family. We have always walked to and from school together; we used to make all sorts of exciting things out of boxes and retreat to our own little imaginary world; we're always partners in whatever classes we share; we tell each other everything; we keep each others secrets; we trust each other with everything; we have such a laugh, I can't help but smile when I'm with him. So why wouldn't he tell me about him and Tanya? Because he's scared of how I'd react?

I guess I did come over a little angry but it's justified! I was outraged he's keep something from me! We always tell each other everything, without fail!

I decided I wasn't going to speak to him till he told me of his own free will- Some may say I was acting irrationally but I don' care. I won't give in.

But why do I care so much in the first place?

My head was starting to hurt from all the thinking and questions. And then I stopped thinking about why he wasn't telling me, and my thoughts turned to what he wasn't telling me: about him and Tanya.

I stuck my hand up, "Miss, I don't feel well"

She gave me a piercing glance, scrutinising my appearance as I felt my face drain of colour and beads of sweat roll down my temples as if my head was trying o filter out all the bitter thoughts. She nodded, "OK, go to the office and get a drink." Her face spoke of sympathy, but not just at my sudden illness. There was something else I didn't know about.

I didn't have time to question the inner workings of Mrs Bishops mind and why she made what faces; I slung my bag over my shoulder, my hands slick and hot, and raced out the classroom, down the staircase, through the corridor, past the office, into the bathroom and crumpled into a cubicle, locking the door in my wake.

I lifted the lid and groaned as I felt the bile rise from my stomach, like all my unwanted questions, thoughts and observations taking on a physical form and my body ejecting them. I wish it was that simple.

After I was sick I flushed the toilet though I was unable to rid the cubicle of the acidic reek. Closing the toilet lid I placed my clammy forehead against the cool porcelain and let out a low moan.

* * *

English was, potentially, worse than history. At least in history I had control over Bella. I knew what she was saying and what was going on. But in English I had to imagine what was going on in the class along the corridor and up the stair.

Edward wouldn't want to tell her in a note, he's much too in love to express his feelings so flippantly, but he wouldn't want to say it in class with onlookers and eavesdroppers. So where did that leave him? Curiosity physically hurt me as I strained to think of the outcome of Bella's, no doubt, heated interrogation. There was no question in my mind about it: she was going to grill him.

I sat idly in class, letting my thoughts spread over a vast expanse of painful possibilities. I was so preoccupied, so engrossed, in my reflections; I barely heard what the teacher was saying about Shakespeare. (Not that I listened normally.)

Romeo and Juliet: always spoken of with awe and admiration. Said to be the greatest love story. It's funny how many people forget it didn't end well.

For Romeo and Juliet.

When the bell finally rang for lunch, after an eternity of torture, I was last out the class, hesitating and delaying the inevitable. The teacher gave up waiting for me and told me to turn the lights off when I left.

I sighed as I wrapped my scarf around my neck and bent down to pick my bag off the dusty floor. I walked to the door, flicked the light switch and glanced out the windows to the glorious day on the other side of the glass.

And that's when I saw Bella slipping out the side gate and heading towards the small hills that bordered the school on one side.

I raced out of the class, pushing past a group of tiny first years that barricaded the door simply with their presence, and ran the length of the playground, ignoring the stares that followed me.

I _needed _to know what happened. I _needed _to know if I should let go of the one shred of hope I still had left, reserved for Edward. He might need my shoulder to cry on...

Something must be upsetting Bella or she would be going out of the other gate to have her lunch with Jacob in the small cafe up the street from the school. So something must have happened!

And I _needed _to know what!

It took me ten minutes to catch up with her-she walks so bloody fast- and by the time I had caught up with her we were on the trail leading up to the biggest hill.

She must have heard me approach for she spun around and I stumbled back at her wild appearance.

Her hair was messier, the effect of the high speed winds on the exposed foothills, and her face was read and sweating, from the exertion of the uphill trek. Her expression spoke of great confusion and her eyes flashed with anger when she recognised me.

"Bella, I-"

Interrupting me, she spat, "I don't want to talk to you, Tanya. Just leave me alone!"

My breathing was laboured from chasing her up the hills and only when I gave a quick glance back over my shoulder did I realise how far we'd come: the school lay below, in sight but it looked like dull rock from where I stood; the milling pupil, all but ants up here, voices couldn't reach this high. It was silent.

The wind whipped around my ankles, blowing up dust and I turned to face the rocky cliff face that accompanied the path to avoid getting grit in my eyes.

"Bella, what happened in English?" I pleaded, not facing her.

"What's going on?" she demanded, her voice as ragged as the cliff face and as attention commanding: you had to watch your step or it could be the last one you made.

I paused. I didn't know what to say.

She groaned and I heard her turn to walk away, but school shows were not designed for rocky paths and, typical clumsy Bella, she fell. I turned to reach out for her but I proved useless. She crashed into the cliff face, scraping her arm along the clawing rocks and fell with a thud, dust rising, her yell of surprise bouncing off the cliff and echoing down the trail.

As the dust settled, I saw her sleeve, ripped and red. I backed off and tried not to faint or throw-up as I took in the situation.

_What the hell was I going to do?_I know what is happening to me but it doesn't change anything, it doesn't help.

* * *

I know that I'm losing a lot of blood from my left arm. I know that this is because I severed the artery as I fell into the cliff face that runs parallel to the path, onto a particularly jagged rock. I know my body is going to shut down soon from the shock. I know the pain will fade with my consciousness.

I know that pressure should be applied to the wound; I know it should be bandaged tightly to restrict my arm from losing too much blood. I know that the dust that rose from my fall onto the dirt path is settling into the wound. I know that Tanya's pacing while she dials 999 is kicking up more dust; I know the stinging pain is the least of my worries.

Because I know Tanya wasn't paying attention to the first aid tutorial DVD. I know, as I sat next to her, she was texting. I know she doesn't know a thing about bandaging and applying pressure or even what the name of the artery I've severed is, despite her being my lab partner in biology for the past five years.

I lie on this red stained dirt path with Tanya talking frantically to someone on the phone – they're probably trying to coach her on how to apply pressure though I know she won't because she's petrified of blood- and the thing I can't help but notice, above the pain, is that this country path is ages away from the school or any houses. I know that when help arrives it will be too late. I know I'm not going to make it.

My vision blurs, my thoughts unravel and my frustration at Tanya's frantic uselessness, and everything else, fades into oblivion. My anger bleeds away. My brain has gone numb and cold. All feeling evaporates under the sun that tries to steal through my eyelids as they droop shut. As the pain subsides and my senses switch off I will a picture of him to the forefront of my hazy mind. He would want to be the last thing I think about.

I realise I want that too.

And then...

* * *

_Ok people, i've done my part: the writing. now it's your turn to do your part: the reviewing._

_Please please please tell me what you think._

_Thankies _

_BanterInABox x_

* * *


	11. Chapter 11

_Ahh, this chapter is where all the drama is at! This took ages to write and then type up so i better be getting some juicy reviews for all my hard work!_

_Enjoy people_

**Destiny **

**Chapter 11**

I hum to myself as I do my rounds. It's very peaceful in this part of the hospital, in the private wards of those recovering. I make my way along the corridor overseeing the resting patients, making sure they're alright before visiting time, Last on my rounds is a girl, well, a teenage girl with hair the colour and ferocity of fire.

I walk into her room; she hasn't woken yet since she was brought in, and I check all the monitors wired to her body. She had lost so much blood. It was so saddening-watching her come in, her face drained and white, her heart barely beating- to think how close she had come to death.

She now lay in the bed, her hair fanned across the pillow, glowing in the rectangle of sunshine that shone directly across her face. Her expression was relatively peaceful, but there was a showdown of a grimace in the set of her mouth. I couldn't see her eyes. They'd been closed for the past few days.

Sometimes, on slow days like today, I like to guess what colour of eyes people have before they wake up. I think this girl; I checked her chart, Bella, has blue eyes. She has red hair and skin the off-white colour of marble so, generally, people with that appearance have crystal clear blue eyes.

"Excuse me", a voice said quietly. I turned around to see a tall boy in the door with hair the colour of bronze and eyes that weren't looking at me. In his hand he held a single small daisy and a carefully wrapped package.

"Yes?" I smiled warmly. I had seen him here before, visiting, but it had been the end of my shift and I had not spoken to him directly. The other nurses on this ward said they could barely get him to leave after visiting hours.

"How is she?" he asked, his voice strangled. His eyes flickered to my face and back to her sleeping form. He must be the boyfriend.

"She's doing fine", I said reassuringly.

He looked at me properly for the first time and the intensity of the pain in his eyes was well beyond his years. I blushed, "I'll leave you alone." He nodded once and allowed me to pass before hurrying to settle himself by her sleeping form.

When in the corridor I let out a sigh. _Young love¸ _I thought.

*

I can't believe I nearly lost her!

She is so beautiful, lying there without a care or a worry-yet something about her expression can't totally convince me of that.

I had arrived back in English from my errand, preparing to evade all questions till lunch when I could confess how I felt in private, to find that Bella had gone to the office because she felt ill. The rest of English was torture. I know she could make herself ill through anger alone so I was so worried at what state I'd eventually find her in.

After English I sprinted out of the class and searched the playground for her. I spotted her out of the schools boundaries, mounting the country path that was hundred yards from the side gate. She would have been nearly inconspicuous if it weren't for her red hair, flashing in the sun like a warning light: danger.

I made my way after her, a speck in the distance, climbing higher like signal fire when I realised Tanya was already in pursuit, dashing out the side gate.

I paused. Did I really want to tell her in front of Tanya? It would hurt her, but waiting was hurting me. I decided now was the only time, when Jacob wasn't attached to her like a limpet.

I ran. Faster than I'd ever run before. Usually I'm really slow, something Bella never fails to remind me- though she meant it flippantly it had a double meaning for me: Jacob had beaten me to her- but not this time. I would not stop till I was by her side.

Desire spurred me on though my lungs burned with exertion and my legs ached: it was nothing in comparison to the feeling of a broken heart, though.

As I approached a corner I heard a frantic voice, hysteria colouring it, panic took over. I rounded the corner and I forgot all about my airless lungs and dead legs.

Bella was slumped on the floor, her hair dirty and matted, the same colour as the surrounding earth. Tanya was a distance away. I felt a wave of hatred for her as I realised she wasn't directly helping Bella because of her aversion to blood. Cowardice, selfish bitch!

I quickly rushed to Bella's side and took in the deep wound on her arm that was oozing fresh blood. Her breathing was shallow and her eyes were shut. I quickly yanked off my bag and jumper and ripped open my shirt, ignoring the chilling wind. I tore a strip of my shirt- not nearly as easy as they make it look in the movies- and wrapped it tightly above the wound, my fingers fumbling in haste and struggling to get my grip as my hands shook, now covered in her blood.

_What was the other thing they'd told us to do at that first aid training thing? _Elevate the wound. I did so.

"Tanya, come here!" I commanded.

She shook her head, her back to the cliff face, her eyes wide with fear and horror.

"Tanya!" I said, my voice softer, attempting patience.

She just stood, dumb and motionless, frozen with irrational fear of a thing that couldn't possibly hurt her.

But could kill Bella.

"Tanya, get the fuck over here!" I screamed. She snapped out of her frozen state and warily, painfully slowly, approached.

"I need you to hold the arm up for me", I said. She just gazed at the red stained skin.

"Tanya!" I said firmly, commanding her attention. "Don't even think about it, just do it... I need to roll her into the recovery position as best as I can."

She looked at me and nodded and then, squeezing her eyes shut, knelt down beside me and raised Bella's hand vertically above her body.

I carefully rolled her into the recovery position as was possible and stood at her side, a shield from the wind which was starting to pick up, raising the dust on the path and sending it into a frenzy. I realised it was from the helicopter air ambulance that Tanya had called.

I breathed a sigh of relief and hoped I hadn't been too late.

*

I sat in the chair beside her bed. She looked so fragile when fury didn't dominate her; when anger wasn't an invisible switch away.

I set down the present- a small hamper of her favourite sweets and fruit- and the daisy to represent the simpler times when we made daisy chains for hours, some four times the length of our height. I missed those simpler times when I still thought girls were gross and I'd want to be single forever. Now it felt like I would be and I struggled to fight back the tears that threatened to consume me.

I can't believe I nearly lost her!

I remember a couple of years ago when we were doing a unit on death in P.S.E. I remember we had to choose five people we'd want at our funeral and why. I can still remember what Bella had written:

_Jesus, because he might feel like resurrecting me._

_Ash, Misty and Brock so they could bring all their pokemon. (counts as one person)_

_MC Hammer just for the banter_

_Christopher Columbus because he has a cool name_

_Edward because he missed the miracle of my birth._

I chuckled darkly as I thought about how close she'd really come to her funeral.

The paramedics said if they'd been any later or if I hadn't bandaged her arm when I did she wouldn't be here.

So many "ifs" it didn't bear thinking about.

But she is here now and I'm here: the one who saved her life and was about to hurt her. I was going to have to tell her the truth of how I felt after so many years of careful concealment, and impatient waiting. Waiting for her to love me too.

And then I heard the sharp intake of her breath and saw her eyelids flutter. Her expression changed so quickly I wouldn't have noticed if my eyes were not fixed on her face. She looked startled, confused- probably at the overly bright and unfamiliar hospital ward- then a concentrated amount of joy when she saw me and then her features finally settled on a pained frown. I waited for her to speak.

"You and Tanya", she said sharply and bluntly and with deadened eyes.

It caught me by surprise. "What?"

"You and Tanya", she repeated, slower as if I was deaf, "You're going out." She said it like it was fact.

I dropped her hand and started coughing. This was not how I had expected this conversation to begin. Her eyes just stared at me blankly, but I could see a fierce undercurrent to the carefully controlled expression. This wasn't like Bella who was usually a slave to her violent and, usually, irrational emotions.

Once my fit of disbelief was over and I had controlled my surprise I gave her a simple answer. "We're not going out, Bella, we never have been and we never will." I said it calmly enough though my mind was struggling to find any fragment of evidence behind such a claim. _Had Tanya said something?_

Bella's face crimpled in confusion, her steady control already vanished. "But I saw you, in the playground... hugging, and she kissed you."

The realisation hit me and I laughed bitterly. It sounded wrong in the neutral room. She just stared at me, even more confused.

"We weren't going out. I just asked Tanya something... something that hurt her so we hugged to make up and she kissed me on the cheek. End of."

She wasn't convinced, "Asked her what?"

I scrunched up my eyes. I couldn't look Bella in the face. "I asked her out"

I could almost hear her mind ticking away, trying to decipher what I'd said.

"I... I don't understand." She said finally.

I opened my eyes and met her frustrated gaze.

"Edward!" She whined. "Just tell me!"

I took a deep breath. "I asked her out to make someone jealous."

I saw her eyes flash, brightening in anticipation.

"Who?"

I looked at her in length, memorising everything I could. _Who knew when she's see me again? _My eyes traced the bush of hair, her soft cheeks, her perfect lips, her beautiful eyes. Everything that helped me fall in love with her.

I knew adults would say that _it's just a crush, a phase of adolescence _but it's not. It's a love that runs deep into my core and makes my heart speed up every time she looks at me. It's a feeling that brightens my perspective of life. It made me feel I could wait out Bella and Jacobs crush, but it was too intense to truly survive it intact. Waiting and watching was unbearable. Every touch, every kiss made me hate him more and love her more- simply because she wasn't mine to have. So now here I am, injured, wounded and helplessly, hopelessly in love with her. When I finally gave her my heart, it would be in pieces.

"Edward?" she snapped, pulling me out of my internal confession. "Who?"

"I love you!" I said firmly and warily. It felt so good to say it out loud.

But nothing prepared me for her reaction.

Electricity crackled in her hair, her lips pulled back in a snarl and her eyes burned in fury.

This was the Bella I loved. The passionate, irrational and enigmatic girl, who was continually breaking my heart.

* * *

_Aww, poor Edward. I'll love you! sadly though, he's not real :(_

_tough potatoes ladies._

_But to cheer us all up, how about some reviews ;)_

_See you at the next chapter_

* * *


	12. Chapter 12

_Hello ya'll. hope you're enjoying this story. let me know you're thoughts :)_

_That's what reviews are for, you know._

_Anyhoo, wee midget chapter here but hope you enjoy anyway._

_See you at the bottom._

**Destiny**

**Chapter 12**

_How dare he?_

I can't believe this! He knows I'm going out with Jacob. What makes him think he can just say that? What does he think will happen?

A prickling heat coursed up and down my body and I realised I was shaking. A stupid heart monitor I hadn't noticed before was bleeping wildly.

Edward was sitting motionless, calm and collected. He looked like a parent, patiently waiting out a toddler's tantrum.

"Get out!" I hissed.

He nodded once and silently got up. He paused at the door and quietly said "Think about it." (As if I couldn't not now!) And then he left.

I sucked in my breath and held it for ten seconds till I knew he was gone before bursting into tears for the first time in five years. Shivers replaced the prickling heat and I stuffed the duvet into my mouth in an attempt to silence the moans that escaped uncontrollably.

I know what I must do now, but I can't. It will hurt him so much. And me? It will hurt me too.

* * *

Bustling in and out of the wards, I was feeling rather useless again. The patients don't particularly need me because of the steady stream of visitors that trickle through the two hour slot.

I decided to go and check in on Bella. There was something exciting about being in a room with her; like she radiated drama.

On entering the ward I saw she was staring out of the window, her features glowing in the afternoon sunshine. I thought it must have caused her pain to stare directly into the sunlight as she did but she seemed oblivious to any pain. She must have heard me enter for she turned to look at me before staring back out of the window. "Nice day out", she said blankly.

Something about her expression told me she was bearing the stress of a woman beyond her years. I agreed with her cheerfully. The room was silent. Awkwardly, I approached the bed and sat in the seat by it. She turned her gaze on me again, this time an inquisitive look on her face.

"Sorry, it's a quiet shift today, hope you don't mind" I said, answering her unspoken question.

She gave me a small smile. "It's cool, I could use the company." Her expression darkened slightly.

"You're boyfriend seems lovely." I commented.

"You met Jacob?" she asked. I couldn't read her expression. It seemed both pained and hopeful.

"Yes, he came in earlier but you were asleep."

"Oh," was all she said.

"He saved your life, you know." I said, feeling a sense of joy for seeing how her face brightened up. She was really very beautiful. I had heard how some people said the eyes are the window to the soul: but her eyes were her soul. I don't know anything about her except her name but I can see the intensity in her eyes, the way her feelings change like the weather. Nobody can truly predict the weather. It explains the draw I had to her room. I wanted to know what her eyes were like. I had guessed blue but I was so wrong. They're green and brown, the colours of early autumn, with a gold ring around the iris and a passion in the gleam of her pupil.

"He saved my life." She whispered, suddenly so contented I felt as if I had relieved her of some unforeseen burden.

"Yes, he did." I relayed the tail as best as I could, pausing to insert the name: "Jacob" she breathed. I watched her carefully as I told her how he had followed her up the hill and bandaged her arm- the other nurses and I had gone through the story thoroughly, enjoying the gossip romance brought to the hospital- she seemed to get happier and happier as I told her how he'd ripped his own shirt for a make-shift bandage; how he'd been an emotional wreck on the helicopter (though she seemed very upset she'd missed the ride) and she was practically glowing by the time I'd finished.

"Thank you." She murmured, "That's helped me a lot."

"You must be exhausted, dear" I said as her eyes drooped shut. She didn't seem to hear me, she was fast asleep. I got up the leave and as I walked out the door I could have sworn I'd heard her say, "Now to choose" before she rolled over and fell silent.

* * *

_Why, hello again. fancy seeing you here._

_Ahh, Bella has to choose between Jacob and Edward! who do you think she should choose?_

_Reviews people, keep 'em coming ;)_

_peace out_

_Ruth x_

* * *


	13. Chapter 13

_OK people, my bad for taking so long uploading. Had a lot going on... OK, that's a lie. I was reading other fanfics. sorry :(_

_But moving on, here's the next chapter and i'll hopefully get better at upolading more frequently._

_Review people. It makes me smile to get nice reviews, or any reviews at all to be honest._

_Enjoy x_

**Destiny**

**Chapter 13**

Waking up, I felt a fresh wave of shock at my surroundings before memory kicked in. I was in hospital.

"Hey sweetie." A voice said softly.

I glanced over my shoulder to see my family sitting quietly watching me.

"Hi mum" I smiled, turning towards them.

"Sorry we couldn't make it earlier, sweetie" mum apologised, "Work and school, you know?"

I nodded, glad they were finally here. I felt so alone.

"We heard Jacob came round earlier, from the nurse"

I nodded again. I really didn't feel like saying much.

"And Edward?" she continued, flickering her eyes to the daisy.

I felt my smile tighten and my eyes pinch at the edges but if they noticed they didn't say anything. Mum was too busy inspecting the unwrapped present and the wilting daisy.

"Aren't you going to open this?" she asked, motioning to the present.

I pretended not to hear- out of sight: out of mind- and focused my attentions on the terrible twins who were playing cards in the corner. They sat silently, so unlike how they normally were. They should have been bouncing off the walls, creating a mess and wreaking havoc but instead they were sitting placid, obviously under strict instructions from my parents not to cause trouble.

That was when I realised things had changed. My near death experience had caused my siblings to actually listen to my parents; it was causing my dad to stare listlessly out the window; and my mum to continue her pointless yattering. It had changed my feelings towards Edward and Jacob. But had it changed me? I didn't feel changed. I didn't feel like I had a new zest for life. I didn't feel like I had a greater appreciation for what I had, or for what I'd almost lost.

So where does that leave me, when the world keeps spinning and I can't keep up with the changes? Or when the world stops and I'm spinning out of control?

What do I do when people change and I don't?

We sat in silence, mum had given up her idle chatter, but then Alice made the brave move to disturb the room's eerie stillness and switch the ward T.V on. The room was then filled with the pleasant hum of activity that directly contrasted with where I sat.

It felt so strange, watching one of our families well loved shows in silence when normally we would make fun of the characters, mock the simple plot and yet enjoy the company and the closeness we were able to share.

I hoped everyone would change back to who they should be. It felt as if the family had been frozen in a moment of terror. My near death experience had put everyone in such shock that they had actually lost a part of who they were, as if I had died and the family was in complete. I suppose it's almost funny how the fact I'd nearly died isn't the thing that's haunting me; it's what happened when I woke up. It was only then that everything had gone so wrong. I had survived; thanks to Jacob I was still alive. So why did everything have to be so complicated? It was hard to appreciate my life when I had practically come back from the dead to find it in tatters. Looking around the room I saw my family. They should be laughing, smiling, talking easily. Alice and Emmet should have hopped on a hospital gurney and raced down the corridors by now, dad should be talking about the latest game and mum should be trying to involve me in her latest venture but they were being so quiet. It was as if they had died. The complete contrast to how they should be made me feel like normality was just an instance away, like the snap of fingers.

Without even realising it, I snapped my fingers and brought about the questioning look of my family who had previously avoided even looking at me.

And just like that, they started laughing. Alice and Emmet tittered in the corner and pretty much immediately bowed their heads together and started whispering. I smelled a prank but I was relived. Mum giggled like a windchime and dad, who had still been gazing out the window laughed his brash laugh and I just smiled, content, yet wishing everything could be that easy.

The tension in the room had been lifted and we fell back into our routine of banter and snide comments that glanced off our thick hides. We were more united than ever and I was so gracious they had apparently forgotten my unfortunate accident.

It was so strange to think that everything had appeared so much bleaker five minutes ago. I'm not sure why my family was acting so out of sorts- stress? Worry? Fear? -but I wasn't exactly going to question them about it now. One part of my life had momentarily warped into something ugly and unfamiliar but had just as suddenly resolved itself whereas the other half of my life was in ruins.

I have known Edward nearly all my life. I've been through the highs and lows of his personal life with him. I thought I knew him inside out but he went and threw something new into the mix and now he's foreign and alien to me. I feel like I don't know him at all anymore. He's loved me for how long? I don't even want to think about it because it means every look and touch takes on a whole new meaning that I hadn't intended. It makes sense, in a way. I finally understand his aversion to Jacob I hadn't really noticed before.

And Jacob: I've only been going out with him for three months but he hasn't even made frequent visits to the hospital: only once when I was asleep. But he did save my life! What kind of repayment would it be to break up with him when I owe him so much?

And why would I break up with him? Just to save Edward his pain?

I don't know what to do. I don't want to live without either of them.

But I suppose my decision is clear. I don't love him, so it's unfair to lead him on. I ignore the swelling feeling in my stomach as I think of him and I put it down to nerves.

Nerves at what I have to do...

* * *

OK, so Bella knows what she has to do, but is it Edward or Jacob?

Regardless of who she chooses, i know what you have to do and that's review!

Woo, that ryhmes ;)

anyhoo, review people, see you in the next chapter :D

Ruth out x

* * *


	14. Chapter 14

_Woo, next chapter_

_Review people. the more reviews, the quicker i update the next chapter :) if you want to see the end of this story, you'll need to share the love :) tell your friends about this :)_

_Enjoy x_

**

* * *

****Destiny**

**Chapter 14**

I was home at last. It took the hospital long enough to realise the blood transfusion had worked and bed rest was not going to help someone like me.

Once home the family bled into their different activities. Renee and Charlie commenced making dinner, the twins went about being noisy and as annoying as ever, though kindly staying out of my way for once- if that continues then falling and slicing my brachial may be the best thing I've ever done.

I trudged upstairs, still feeling hazy from exhaustion which didn't make sense after sending the past couple of days in bed. Wandering into the bathroom I closed the door and locked it, revelling in the privacy that had been impossible in the hospital. I ran a bath and sat on the closed toilet, waiting for the tub to fill. I felt like I was numb, just going through the motions. I stared at the mosaic patterns on the walls, contemplating what I was going to have to do.

The bath filled so I stripped off my clothes, admiring my healing scar in the bathroom mirror as I tentatively peeled back the bandages and re-wrapping them, I climbed into the bath. I hadn't run any cold water but I could barely feel the water around me as I sat down, despite its high temperature. I lay back, careful not to get my arm wet. I rested it on the cold lip of the bath and it sat like a word: wanting to be spoken but without the ability to make a noise.

The steam rose and soon the glass screen around the bath was as cloudy as my head. I held my good arm up and watched the steam roll up it onto my palm and then into the air. It looked like I had the power to control heat and I imagined what it would be like to have the ability to control something beyond myself, like me own life.

My skin glowed red and the ends of my hair were soaked as they swirled he waters smooth surface like blood. I could feel my face being beaded with perspiration and the heat radiating from my skin. I felt like I was falling...

* * *

_I landed with a thud in the school playground. Confusion swept over me but then I saw Jacob. He was leaning against the wall, half in shadow: the half of him that was in the light looked so amazing. I could see one of his pale blue eyes, glinting in the sunlight. His brown hair shone copper and brass and I could see he was smiling._

_I started walking towards him, feeling the smile on my face as I knew each step I took was drawing closer to him. But then I felt my smile slipping as the sun beat down on top of me, burning my face and I started sweating... melting?_

_And then Edward appeared out of nowhere and started dragging me back, away from Jacob. I cried out for him to stop but despite my struggling and flailing he kept pulling me towards him. He was twice his normal size and much too strong for me to resist._

_I could feel the tears pour town my face onto the ground where they evaporated in the heat. It was so hot! I tried to break free from Edward again but he was choking me and I couldn't breathe. I grabbed at his wrists in an attempt to release myself but could find no slacking in his tight grip. I ripped off some of his shirt and threw it down and kicked it away before realising I'd just wrenched out his heart which had been on his sleeve. He fell down. Dead._

_I fell forwards because Edward was no longer holding me. I crawled to his side but he'd turned into me, with blood pouring out his arm and drying on the sweltering concrete. A shadow fell across us and offered small comfort in the rancid heat. Jacob covered the former Edward in a blanket and held his hand out to me. I couldn't move though I longed to get out of the heat. I was somehow anchored to Edward, unable to leave his covered form even though he was now me..._

_I cried harder, tears pouring out my eyes in unmerciful torrents and into my mouth and nose. I was sinking... drowning... dying..._

* * *

I opened my eyes and they were met with a wall of watery heat. I couldn't breathe.

My senses were still numb from the dream but I realised something was wrong. I sat up to find myself still in the bath, still in the intense heat and still not able to breathe.

My head was swimming and I could feel the burning temperature of the bath afresh. I coughed and spluttered, trying to empty my lungs of the burning water. Liquid poured out of my mouth and nose and I could feel I was crying though I didn't know whether it was because of the pain or the dream.

I hauled myself out of the bath, splashing water all over the floor. I picked up a towel and scrubbed every inch of my skin, except the area around my scar, in an attempt to scrub the feeling of blood off myself. It wasn't even my blood, it was Edwards. His pain covered me from head to toe and I wept as my kin got redder and redder before crumpling onto the cold tiled floor and letting the confusion consume me.

* * *

"Destiny? Destiny, Jacob is here."

My heart skipped a beat and I felt myself withdraw a bit more into my curled up self. I chose to ignore her just a bit longer.

"Destiny?" My mum called louder now, outside the door.

I sighed. "Coming. I'll be down in five minutes."

"OK."She replied through the door. I could hear her hovering on the landing, waiting for an audible action on my part. I plunged my arm into the tub and swirled the water around till it made the slapping noises associated with getting out the bath. The creaking noise on the stair told me mum had gone down to tell Jacob of my delay.

I wrapped the towel around my body- still rubbed raw, yet shivering out of the baths temperature- and hastily escaped from the bathroom to my bedroom. I hated getting changed when a guest is in my house. Don't know why, I just don't like the idea of being vulnerable in my own home.

I threw on some skinny jeans and a tight long sleeved top. My hair was sodden so I tied it back into a messy bun. I couldn't find any thick bobbles so my hair fought against the thin band and some curly strands escaped and flowed down my neck. I decided I didn't look too bad and after I flicked some mascara on I checked myself over in the mirror. My skin was red and blotchy from crying but I could blame that on the bath temperature.

I was just about to go downstairs when I heard a tentative knock on the door. "Destiny, darling?" I heard Jacob call.

I took a deep breath and opened the door.

Crunch time.

* * *

_Exciting!_

_Review my loverly readers :)_

_Ruth out x_


	15. Chapter 15

_OK, this isn't a long chapter but its an imporant one. Trust me, it gets tense. _

_So show me what you think and review it people!_

_PLEEEEEASE ;)_

**Destiny**

**Chapter 15**

I took a deep breath. Crunch time.

Walking up her driveway, I saw her dad at the window. He spotted me, waved and disappeared to the front door which he opened widely in welcome. As soon as I was at the front step he yanked me into a bear hug. "Thank you so so much Edward!" He practically sobbed into my shoulder. "You saved her... you... thank you."

I wrapped my arms round him slightly awkwardly, though it wasn't too bad considering he's like another dad to me.

He held me at arms length, his eyes wet and joyful. "Thank you." He whispered, choking up. I smiled at him, unsure of what to say. Charlie is usually so strong and never shows emotion yet there he stood, blubbering up like a child, and then Renee appeared out from the kitchen and rushed towards me. She pulled me into another suffocating embrace- she'd already nearly choked me at the hospital when Bella was admitted- and kissed me on the cheek. "We can't thank you enough!" She cried, her words thick with tears. "You have no idea how much it means to us!"

_Actually, I do._

Just as she released me the terrible twins tumbled out of the living room and, squeaking in delight, clamped themselves to my legs. I laughed as they refused to let go but inside, I wanted to cry. It was like being passed along an emotional chain and each link was pushing me closer to breaking point. Bella's near death experience had made them appreciate her more. They would see her hospital experience as one that made them realise what an amazing daughter and sister they had. I would see it as the time I nearly lost her again: the first on the cliff, the second as she told me to get out. Yet here I was. I wasn't sure what would happen when I reached the end of the chain.

"Bella?" I managed to ask Charlie above the din the twins were creating.

"Upstairs." He answered, smiling brightly as he tried to unhook Emmet from my legs.

I nodded, shook Alice off the other and apprehensively climbed the stairs to her room. As I approached I could hear my heart beat pump louder and louder, drowning out the hubbub from the hall. I couldn't hear anything else till I was infront of her door which was wallpapered in photographs. I paused to look over the record of the years. I featured in more photos than Emmet and Alice put together. I laughed lightly at one of me and Bella when we were six. We had been making chocolate cake and were covered in batter, flour and cocoa powder. I felt a twinge of pain as I saw half of my face was covered over by a picture of her and Jacob with their arms around eachother and they were staring all lovey-dovey into eachother's eyes. It was quite sickening.

I was just about to knock on her door, worried about what she was going to say when she saw me, when I heard a male voice on the inside.

_Jacob._

My stomach coiled up and though I knew she would kill me if she found out, I leant my ear to the door and listened in.

"-So worried!" I heard Jacob murmur, "To know you'd nearly died by something as small as tripping. Why were you on the hills anyway? Nothing would have happened if you'd come to lunch with me. I was sick with worry."

_I bet you were. So sick, you didn't even visit her in hospital._

As if he could hear my thoughts he continued, "And I'm sorry I couldn't visit"- _Couldn't?-_ "But I was so busy with training and school work and stuff, you know?"

I contained a cough as fury like I'd never felt before surged through me. He was too busy to visit his close-to-death-girlfriend? What a piece of shit! It took every bit if self-control I had not to burst through the door and tell him what a little fucker he was but I wanted to hear Bella's reaction.

"Yeah..." She murmured. I smiled as I heard the dissatisfaction in her voice.

"But," she went on, "You did save me."

"What?" asked Jacob, puzzlement colouring his voice.

"What?" I spat, barely able to keep mine inaudible.

"You saved my life." Said Bella, I could sense her frowning as she tried to figure out Jacobs confusion. "One of the nurses told me. And you did visit me, when I was asleep. The nurse told me so."

There was a split second of silence before Jacob answered her, "Oh yeah. I didn't count that as a visit. It was so stressful not being able to speak to you. I could barely look at you the same way after seeing you when you were at deaths door."

I wanted to burst into the room and give him a good kick through deaths door but I knew Bella wouldn't know why and would send me away before I had the chance to explain why I'd just killed her oh-so-heroic-boyfriend. I had to give him some credit; he could spin a web of lies in no time at all. I just had to bide my time till I had the opportunity to trap him in them. I groaned quietly. More waiting.

The creak of a floorboard reminded me of the couple in the room. "Thank you", said Bella quietly. So quietly I had to strain to hear her. So quietly, she must have been very close to him.

And then they weren't speaking anymore and I left before I had to hear them make out any longer. It took so much self-control to not break the door down and break Jacob down; so much effort not to scream and yell till my voice was hoarse and he was death; it took so much heartache to leave after being so sure I'd be able to resolve things with her. I stole out of the house, miraculously managing to avoid the family, and ran as fast as I could- not fast enough- to my house. I sprinted into my room and sat rigidly on my bed trying to dispel my anger and figure out what to do.

Just thinking about it all was giving me a headache. It had been me that had caused the confusion that drove her up that hill in the first place. It had been me that had saved her. It had been me that visited her every day in the hospital. It had been me that was there when she woke up for the first time. It was me she sent away.

And it was Jacob that was now taking the credit for saving her life. It was Jacob that didn't know her like I did. It was Jacob that had made me so mad that day. It was Jacob that had gotten to her before I did. It was Jacob who had lied about saving her. It was Jacob that had not even visited her.

I may have cried but I was too pissed off the notice. I had learned what being in love felt like years ago, a feeling that carried up to this day and stretched beyond. It was a feeling that gave me hope and consumed my every thought. It was a feeling that made me dream of her and treasure her and remember every little thing she said, did and every expression she made. It was a feeling that I thought would be the only feeling that would give me this powerful sense of drive and purpose.

But now I had learned what it felt like to hate.

* * *

_You think you have it bad, waiting for the next chapter. My friends had to cope with getting half way through this chapter before i could get them the next notebook. So count yourselves lucky you got the full picture on this one._

_I'd count myself luck if i got some reviews... Oh my word, did someone just drop that hint or was it me? :P_

_Ruth out x_

* * *


	16. Chapter 16

_Disclaimer: sadly, i don't own twilght. but if i did, i would buy myself a pony._

_Read and review and enjoy._

**Destiny**

**Chapter 16**

It was so lovely. First his hands wrapped around my waist and then stroked up and down my back and then he was shuffling his fingers through my hair which had snapped out of its bobble. His lips were dry and warm and soft as they tried to mould to mine. Our teeth bashed together, our noses bumped, into eachother and he got his hands caught in my hair but for a first proper kiss, it was nice.

We just hugged afterwards the rooms' atmosphere warm and content.

"Would you like something to drink?" I asked quietly, so as not to startle him.

"Sure", he smiled, kissing the top of my head.

"I'll be right back," I said and pausing at the door added, "Don't go anywhere."

He grinned, "As if."

I slowly climbed down the stairs, unwilling to meet with people from my mundane life whilst heaven awaited me in my room.

I could hear my parents in the kitchen chatting excitedly. As I approached, I caught a few sentences.

"We have to get him something," said my dad.

"Absolutely, but what do you get for someone who saved your daughter's life?"

"I don't know, something special..." My dad paused and I entered the kitchen. They greeted me with wide grins and resumed their conversation.

"You're the woman, you get him something" My dad chided, pushing my mum a little.

"Ugh!" She exclaimed and smacked him across the chest with the oven gloves.

I smiled and shook my head. Only my parents could have such a silly argument in the aftershock to their daughters near death experience. I was so grateful for that though. I didn't want anything to change.

"That's so sexist!" My mum cried, "You're the same gender as him, you get him something!"

I laughed softly, revelling in the normality that I feared had changed in the hospital. I pushed past the married couple and pulled two glasses out of the cupboard. I didn't pay close attention to what they were saying anymore, I was too busy thinking about Jacob, but then one small word hauled me out of my thoughts: _Edward._

I placed the glasses on the counter and tuned back into what my parents were saying.

"We both know him like son." My mum said, her voice thick with emotion now. I hadn't been paying attention to the change in mood of the conversation. "He deserves so much!"

"Yes," my dad replied softly. "I've never seen a boy of his age looking so distraught as Edwards did when we got called to the hospital."

"Edward?" I choked out the word.

"Yes, sweetie" My mum said, tears of gratitude rolling down her face now. "You owe him your life." She didn't seem to notice the crisis I was going through as she wiped her tears away.

"But...what...how?" I babbled. _Jacob couldn't have lied to me! The nurse? She lied to me?_

"He saved your life, honey." My dad said, watching me warily. He must have seen the flash of defiance in my eyes. "He followed you up the country path and bandaged you up, showed Tanya how to stop more blood from pumping out your arm and went with you in the air ambulance. He visited you everyday- probably more than us because he skipped school to see you." Dad didn't seem too upset about that.

"Oh" I breathed. This changes things, this changes things so completely. I felt rage tingle down my spine, a welcome feeling compared to the nothingness that had seeped through me before. I tried to contain my anger, it was not for my parents to see, and burst out the kitchen. I picked up the phone in the hall and was dialling the number as I ran up the stairs. It was ringing by the time I barged into my room.

Jacob, who had been staring out the window, turned with a smile towards me. "Who you calling?" He asked mildly.

"A taxi", I answered. It was still ringing.

"For who?"

"You. You're going home." I said firmly. My anger faded slightly as I looked at his confused and hurt expression. I had to stay focused. I couldn't let him distract me.

A nasal voice answered the phone, "Hell? This is Walkers taxi service. How can I help you?" The irony of that used to make me smile.

"Yes, I'd like a taxi for-", The phone was whipped out of my hand and chucked onto my bed.

"What are you doing?"

"I was trying to call you a taxi" I replied coldly.

"Why?"

"Because you live too far away to walk." Came my simple reply.

"But why do you want me to leave?" He asked, the hurt clear on his face.

"Because you lied to me. I growled, determined not to let his expression put me off.

"When?" He asked, cocking his head innocently, his big blue eyes drawing me in.

"Just now." I seethed, clenching my teeth.

He just gazed at me with a questioning, penetrating stare.

"Ugh!" I groaned. This was so hard. I would have to break up with him for this. He had just told the biggest lie ever. I couldn't not break up with him for it. It was too big to overlook, ignore or forgive!

But by breaking up with Jacob, did that mean I was choosing Edward? That was s question I would have to come back to later.

Jacob stole closer to me and took my hand. I stared at it, his fingers intertwining mine and then I came back to my senses and yanked me hand free from his, disgusted with myself that I was so easily manipulated.

"What is wrong?" He spat, angry now at my rejection.

"As if you didn't know" I spat back, "you told me you saved me life! You let me believe that you were the reason I'm still here! You took credit for someone else! You... you... I kissed you!"

"What does kissing you have to do with anything?" He exclaimed, rolling his eyes and throwing his hands up in exasperation. He was obviously focusing on the lesser of two evils.

"I kissed you because I thought you saved my life." I said, injecting as much venom into the sentence as I could. Maybe if I convinced myself I wanted to break up with him, it wouldn't be that hard...

"So you only kissed me because you thought I had saved your life?" he asked softly, though he might as well have been screaming the accusation.

"No!" I gasped, I couldn't let him make me feel guilty. "I wanted... I thought... I..." the words tumbled out incoherently and I struggled to maintain some form of articulation when I finally managed to say, "I wanted to kiss you but, but it was mainly brought on by gratitude." I paused and saw he wasn't going to say anything so I decided it was too painful to drag it on much longer. "It's over Jacob." I stared him down till he met my eyes. "You lied to me in such a huge way. I can't forgive it or forget it." I was surprised at how calmly I was able to say it though I could feel anger and grief mingling in my expression. "Get out." I whispered.

He didn't budge.

"Jacob! For fucks sake-" I stopped myself. Appalled at my slip up, I crumbled to the floor. Jacob knelt down beside me, trying to comfort me as he noticed my shame. I squirmed away from his touch. It burned me. "Go!" I whispered fiercely.

I heard him huff and puff as he left but I didn't see what he looked like. I was too busy focusing on my own breathing as I stared at my carpet.

_Inhale 2 3 4. Exhale 2 3 4._

I heard the muffled slam of the front door and an exclamation of surprise from the kitchen but I didn't care.

I crawled up and into my bed, yanked the covers over my head and let myself break a part.

* * *

_Ooh, it's getting really exciting. And don't worry people, we're ot near the end yet. Bella has to go through a bit more before we get there._

_Review and tell me what you think please_

_Ruth out x_

* * *


	17. Chapter 17

_Why hello there. This chapter makes everything go a bit pear shaped. _

_Hope you like it._

_Review x_

**Destiny **

**Chapter 17**

I had the same dream again, only this time I understood it. The separate shades on Jacobs face: the two parts I hadn't noticed before but recognised now: I Jacob I knew and the Jacob I now know.

And Edward, in all his pain, bleeding on the floor was in fact me all along. For our years together had created bonds between us I had not been aware of before, bonds he had known about and bonds I had mindlessly been trying to cut through without even realising it. That made it worse in my opinion: to hurt him without even realising because were I to hurt him on purpose then he would be totally justified to hate me rather than hoping I would realise the pain I was inflicting and change. Some friend I was that I didn't even notice how I was hurting him.

As my senses started to reawaken I noticed the room was still black. Peeling back the covers I saw my alarm clock read 6:00. I was sure it would go off soon to wake me for my usual morning run but I was in no mood for running, or anything else for that matter. I re-set it or 8:00 and fell back into a dreamless sleep.

My alarm seemed louder than usual; maybe because I hadn't slept as deeply as usual, just floating between subconscious and reality. I swung out of bed groggily, my eyes trying to adjust to the bright sunlight seeping into the room. Another beautiful day.

I showered, careful not to get my bandages wet, and after getting dressed I trudged downstairs. I was in no mood for school but had no desire to mope about the house. Better to try and integrate myself back into normal routine than allow everything I thought and felt a week ago to dissolve and disappear altogether.

As I ate my breakfast in the kitchen my dad entered and did a double take. "You're not going to school, are you?" he asked, surprised.

"Yeah," I grumbled.

"Ahh, what enthusiasm." My dad teased.

I stuck my tongue out and continued eating my cereal.

"Is Edward not coming for you today?" dad asked ten minutes later. He hid his puzzlement well, under a very blasé expression because Edward always picked me up. Dad couldn't possibly know what had changed so much. He couldn't know what I'd done. It seemed strange that he didn't realise how the world stopped spinning, and then spun too fast. Out of control.

"Nah" I answered, attempting equal nonchalance. "I think he has to go in early to finish his woodwork project." Such a blatant lie: Edward was one of the best in the year at woodwork and I know for a fact he'd finished his project ages ago and was just messing around building random stuff for a while. Dad must have seen through me but he inquired no further and ended the conversation with an awkward "oh."

I sat in the front room after I brushed my teeth and looked at my watch: 8:45. He wasn't coming. I felt a sharp stab of betrayal just below my heart even though I had known he wouldn't be coming. I then realised he must have felt the same sense of pain every time I was with Jacob... which had been constantly in the last three months.

I groaned as I slung my bag over my shoulder. It was exactly a week ago since I'd fallen. That means it was three and a half days I was asleep in a drug induced coma, two and a half days awake in hospital and half of yesterday back at home. That would mean I had double maths today. That would mean I'd be sitting between Edward and Tanya. That would mean more stress and more pain.

* * *

I couldn't do it.

I had my finger poised at the doorbell but I couldn't bring myself to push the button that had been imprinted with my fingertips nearly every day for most of my life.

I wanted to see her, to talk to her, to breathe her in, hold her close and never let go. But I couldn't. She wouldn't let me now she knew why. She would feel even more tied to Jacob and so much less to me. I winced as I thought that through. We would be so distant now. What would double maths be like? I winced. _Painful._

As I withdrew my finger and walked away from her house I asked myself the questions I had avoided up till now. _Had I been right to tell her I loved her? Should I have just left it and been her friend forever more? _I couldn't bring myself to think of just being her friend. It was the vilest prospect. It would never be enough for me. It didn't matter that she had a boyfriend now, it would never matter anymore. No one was going to stand in the way of what I wanted.

And all I had ever wanted was her. All I had ever really wanted was my Bella.

So I was going to fight. I wasn't sure quite what that really meant, but one way or another I would show her that she could love me too.

I would show her what love really meant, not the cheesy affection she'd been exposed to with Jacob, but real love. Real passion.

The love that was worth everything: the love that was worth fighting for, hoping for, waiting for. Not lying for. The love that was worth dying for.

Jacob, the only other person a part from Bella who made me feel this much purpose was going to experience what _real _love could drive a person to.

Just thinking about him made me so angry, so on fire, so much hate.

I truly hated him just as much as I truly loved Bella.

I was going to make him pay. I was going to make him suffer for lying to Bella and further jeopardising my chances with her. I felt a sick kind of joy pump through my veins as I considered how much I would make him pay.

I smiled as I passed through the school gates. A cold breeze tingled across my face as my eyes scanned the playground. "Where are you?" I whispered menacingly.

* * *

This was wrong. So so wrong. I knew it was wrong but I couldn't stop. I couldn't even tell myself that I should stop. I was only doing this to feel something. I was only kissing him to know what it felt like. I was using him just as Edward had tried to use me. I was using him just like he was using me.

I had heard about boys on the rebound, heard about what lengths some of them would go to to show their ex what they were missing. I thought about that and shuddered. But I didn't stop kissing him. I now knew what it felt like to be wanted, not quite in the way I had fantasised about but I was feeling something and I was grateful to him for giving me that much.

I also felt good to know I was hurting Bella in a way she had been hurting me. Yes, Jacob was using me to get back at her, but I was using him for that same reason, and to piss Edward off.

It was so wrong but the satisfaction I felt made me kiss him deeper and longer. I was starting to actually enjoy myself. I was actually starting to stop feeling used and start feeling wanted.

I used that feeling to smother the voice in the back of my head that kept telling me what I was doing was so wrong. Once I had silenced it my guilt leaked away and the sweet taste of vengeance spilled into my mouth. I pulled Jacob closed, knotted my fingers in his hair and moulded my body against his.

But then we were interrupted by a roaring voice I knew so well.

"You bastard! You bitch!"

We stopped kissing and I peered over Jacobs shoulder as he froze. "Hello Edward," I said, giving him a smile.

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_What an unexpected twist: Tany and Jacob. What awful people._

_Tell me what you think with some wonderful reviews :)_

_Ruth out x_

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	18. Chapter 18

_Sorry for how long it took me to update. was very busy._

_Hope you enjoy the next installement._

**Destiny**

**Chapter 18**

_Unbelievable! Un-bloody-believable! Has the whole world gone fucking mad? It sure feels that way! _

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" I hear myself yell. I think I'm having what's called an out of body experience, as if the total rage and disbelief just built up till it was enough to push my thoughts out of my body.

"I believe that I was kissing Jacob." Tanya said sharply. The smile she'd just given me had been wiped off her face and been replaced with a grimace that made me think Tanya hadn't enjoyed admitting her act out loud. Especially to me. It made me think it was an act of revenge. I clenched my fists and grit my teeth. _What a shitty little bitch._

Jacob, who had turned to face me now, was eyeing me up warily. I wondered how I looked: Fierce? Angry? Murderous? I smiled at the last option: murderous. It was definitely how I felt.

But as soon as the images entered my head I got rid of them. I had to try and keep my cool, though I guess I'd already lost it anyway.

"I noticed you were kissing" I replied calmly- calm before the storm- "And I was wondering why?"

They both stared at me cautiously. They didn't answer. I attempted patience and composure for Bella's sake.

_Tick tock. Tick tock._

_Gone._

_Time's up._

Any patience I had managed to muster in that brief micro-second had gone. Vanished. I felt myself come undone as I stepped out of my more composed self.

"Why?!" I roared. I was shaking, my nails dug into my palms but I ignored the stab of pain. It was irrelevant.

"Because," Tanya hissed, her eyes now slits, "I wanted to fell something! I wanted to feel loved. While you're spending all your time at Bella's bedside I'm here wishing she had just died so you could be as miserable as me!" As she spat the words out, her eyes widened. Her hand twitched as if she wanted to cram them back into her mouth and swallow them whole, but it was too late. She'd said them. She froze at the same time Jacob and I did. Her voice was reduced to a whisper as she gasped, "I... I didn't... she... sorry...I- I'm sorry."

Even Jacob stared at her with disgust and flinched away. So he had one moral fibre in his body. It still wasn't enough.

"You," I seethed, turning on him as Tanya stared at nothing and continued to spew inarticulate sentences that did nothing but make my hand twitch to slap her. "You were kissing Tanya the week after your girlfriend nearly died? Not only that, but you told her you saved her life! You lied to her! Give me one good reason not to rip you a part right here, right now!"

I honestly didn't think he could give me even a fraction of a good reason so I stalked towards him, preparing myself to hurt him on the outside even more than he had killed me on the inside. His eyes widened in fear and he looked as if he was about to tense himself for a fight but then his shoulders drooped and his head slumped forward and he muttered, "She dumped me."

I froze, attempting to squash the hope that had just escaped from the Pandora's box I'd locked it in for so long.

"She wha-?" I spluttered.

"She dumped me, ok?" He stated fiercely

"Ok? Of course it's bloody OK! It's fantastic! It's fucking brilliant!" I exclaimed. I was trying not to get ahead of myself. I still didn't know why she had dumped him. I was usually so good at controlling my emotions but the turbulence of them and the intensity of them as they hit me in waves were too much to reign in. I felt so torn: a part of me wanted to jump for joy while another part was still itching to punch Jacob. I felt very much inclined to give into the "punch Jacob" part which would trigger the "jump for joy" part but I somehow restrained myself. I wanted to hear why. I needed to know what Bella had finally realised that drove her to dump Jacob.

Jacob glared at me. His fear must have gone as soon as he saw my immediate anger fade away. "You think I'm a liar?" He asked.

"Absolutely." I answered, euphoria still clear on my face. I really couldn't muster the will power to catch the newly freed hope and lock it away again.

"You are too!" he accused as he jabbed his finger in my direction. "She thinks you don't swear at all. She totally admires you for it. She thinks it's because of your mum. You're a bigger liar than me. You've deceived her for years, you've made her look up to you while in actual fact you're just a worthless piece of shit who won't admit it!"

I just gaped at him. The joy I'd felt turned to anger as he rekindled my rage. The absolute ridiculousness of such an accusation is unbelievable. "How the hell does that make me a liar? I'm trying to be a better person for her sake. You just happen to bring out the worst in me! You're the one who spews lots of rubbish at her and told her you saved her life. I'm so happy she finally saw through your charade and broke up with you." I took a deep breath and fixed my glare on Tanya who had been watching the confrontation silently. "And you, no matter why Bella broke up with Jacob, you thought it was a good idea to pull him the next day? I was sorry I hurt you before but now I don't think I hurt you enough! You wished Bella had died? You actually wanted her dead just so that I would be miserable? You got that so wrong! I wouldn't be miserable. I would be dead too. Like Heathcliff and Cathy, or Romeo and Juliet, I couldn't live without her! You basically just said you wished I was dead!" I panted slightly as I finished, practically spitting my words at her. I took satisfaction from the tears that slowly built up in her eyes. She should be sorry. Her words had cut me to the core; she deserves pain for what she said!

Jacob wore a disgusted expression again and I knew it was a murky reflection of mine. The three of us were silent, just waiting for the next move when I saw Tanya's eyes flicker over and beyond my shoulder and I saw her make a quick resolution. It confused me, the sudden glint of determination made no sense.

And then she sprang at me, grabbed my face in her hands and smothered my lips with hers. She tasted of tears and longing but it was a bitter taste. It made me feel sick. It reminded me of every time I looked at Bella when she was with Jacob. Tanya tasted like my pain. I froze, and then tore her off me. She fell to the ground and burst into tears. I stared at her, dumbfounded.

And then I heard the voice I love most in the world, but it was twisted and strangled. "Edward? What's going on?"

_Oh fuck!_

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Oh for petes sake, when will all the flipping drama end?

Find out by reading on (when i get around to updating)

review people! It makes me smile :D

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	19. Chapter 19

_Thank you to everyone who's taken the time out of their lives to read my story. And thank you for all the reviews i've gotten so far, i really appreciate them and read them all happily :)_

_disclaimer: i don't own twilight but if i did i would demand better movies be made of such master pieces. her's hoping New Moon will be better than Twilight was._**Destiny **

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**Chapter 19**

I had heard people say we should live life with no regrets. I had wanted to live a life like that but that became impossible. The regrets were piling up now: I had fallen in love with a boy who would never look at me twice; I said no to that boy when he asked me out just because he would use me to make the love of his life jealous; I then helped save the girls life even though I knew he would definitely turn to me for comfort if she had died which is a bonus; then I pulled her ex-boyfriend to get back at both of them and I just added a new one to the heap.

I saw Bella approaching our confrontation and on a compulsory spur of the moment type thing kissed Edward to make things worse for him. I am a terrible awful person but I barely feel like it anymore. I am numb and hollow because my heart was carved out the moment I saw the expression on Edwards face when he saw Bella dying. He must of thought my fear of blood was what stopped me helping out quicker (thought that was a tiny part of it) but no, it was the realisation that I had still been clinging to a fragment of hope that he could love me too, to find him smashing it to smithereens with one tender look at her.

I cried out everything on the playground floor and waited for numbness to intervene and circulate back into my system. The pain was too much and I knew that Edwards rejection had painted my face red.

I summoned the strength to stand up and faced Edward and Bella and Jacob who were busy arguing. They paused to stare at me: the one who messed everything up and still had the gall to look them in the eyes. "All's fair in love and war." I declared as strongly as I could before turning and walking away.

"All's fair in love and war." I muttered to myself as I put enough distance between them and myself to block out what they were saying. I didn't want to hear any of it.

* * *

"Edward? What's going on?" My voice didn't sound right as it escaped through my lips.

I could see his body tense as he heard me. I could hear Tanya's sobs bounce off the floor where she lay crying. I could feel my heart pounding loud and fast in my chest, a slight throbbing in my arm as blood coursed past the scar to my clenched fists.

Edward turned to face me, his expression a mixture of anger and shock and even a hint of love I realised had always been there: I'd just never looked close enough to see it before. "It's not how it looks." He blurted.

I wanted to laugh at how unsuitable a line that was. It's a line used in every single T.V show and movie since misunderstandings began and I really didn't feel inclined to listen to him drop it into this situation.

"Well, Edward," I said, chuckling humourlessly, "What should it look like?"

Edward was about to speak when Jacob appeared from behind him and said "Edward was kissing Ashley." Edward looked suddenly murderous and I couldn't speak for genuine fear. I had barely ever seen Edward angry. He was usually so good at keeping himself under control but he was standing in front of me looking so hostile that I felt like I should protect the person such a glare was aimed at... but that was Jacob so I felt really torn.

I was torn between protecting the ex-boyfriend who had lied to me and the best friend who had turned into some kind of... beast?

My eyes flickered between the two, wanting to be with both for different reasons that would never make me totally happy. Edward was my best friend but he had to go and complicate it! Jacob was an amazing boyfriend but he had to ruin it! I just wanted to rewind things a week to when things were beautiful and simple and I didn't have to choose the two most important people in my life. I wish I had died. It would have saved me from this pain.

My thoughts, which were wandering into the bliss of death were sharply returned to the present by the shouting pair. Their words meshed together as the volume rose and I could swear they had stopped forming words altogether ad were just screaming blood-curdling battle cries into each other's face which were now just inches apart, each etched with a similar mask of fury.

"STOP!" I yelled, striving to push my voice above theirs. They both turned to look at me, their expression softening in a way that made me want to hold both. "Just stop!" I exclaimed.

"You lied to me." I accused Jacob, "I already told you I couldn't forgive or forget that." Jacob looked crushed and I tried to stop my heart from tearing too much at the sight of his dejected face. Edward wore a look of triumph and my earlier question came back to haunt me. _By breaking up with Jacob, did that mean I was choosing Edward?_

"I'm sorry Jacob." I muttered, "But I know myself enough to know I couldn't go back to how things were. I just couldn't..." My voice trailed off as I stopped myself from saying _But I wish I could. _The two boys made simultaneous steps towards me, arms outstretched to comfort.

I took a step back, "Don't come near me!" I yelled, "Don't touch me! Either of you!" I didn't want their comfort, it only highlighted me weakness. It only made this harder.

They started arguing again and I was about to intervene when Tanya picked herself off the ground. Her face was red, wet and caked with grit. She jutted her chin up defiantly and after receiving the boys silent and hostile attention declared "All's fair in love and war." Before spinning quickly and stalking off.

The boys wore equal disgusted looks before continuing their pointless argument. Their fight with each other made no difference to any of my decisions. It actually lowered my opinions of them. It made me want to bash their heads together and silence their futile battle.

"Shut up!" I screeched. They continued arguing, oblivious to me. Tears rolled down my cheeks and looking around I saw an empty blurry playground. The bell must have gone ages ago but no one had noticed our conflict. We were in a shaded part of the playground and I recognised it as where Jacob had stood in my dream.

I wanted to leave immediately. It was too much for me. I felt like I was drowning again.

But I couldn't leave the screaming pair. I didn't want to think of how far they would go to _win _me. It sickened me to know they thought the victor would _win _me as if I had no choice.

_Did I?_

I silenced the thoughts in my head that asked too many questions and rushed forward to barge between the boys. Placing my hands on their chests I pushed them apart. I must have pushed pretty hard, wither that or they both got a fright, because they split apart and landed hard on the ground.

"I said stop!" I yelled.

They both gave me icy glares but something about my stance kept them on the floor.

"Jacob" I said softly, "Could you please go away."

"But-" He started. I put my hand up and shook my head. "Please go, the bell rand ages ago and I need to speak with Edward."

He shot to his feet and stormed away. I sighed as I watched him go, more away of the tears on my face than ever. As he disappeared from view I felt a piece of my heart tear off. It was the bit I'd given him that he'd clung onto when I wanted it back.

I turned to Edward who had remained on the ground, his gleeful expression poorly concealed though I could see there was an inner battle going on to reign in his expression. He looked so happy that it tugged at my aching heart. I could see him now, really see how he felt for once instead of trying to gauge the reaction of the controlled person he'd been before all of this mess. He was beautiful but he'd changed and it scared me. My heart beat faster.

_Where to start?_

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Ok, i've done my bit and now it's your turn. Reveiw people, as if your life depended on it!

Lovers y'all

Ruth out x


	20. Chapter 20

_This is a really short chapter so sorry for such a long wait for this but i hope you remained hooked._

**Destiny**

**Chapter 20**

She was panting slightly. Her arm still outstretched, her face dripping with tears. I wanted to hug her, wipe her tears away and wipe Jacob from her memory. I felt elated with joy. She had sent him away. He was gone. We could be together. At last!

Though something didn't see right. She was still crying. Shouldn't we be embracing by now? Shouldn't we be kissing? Shouldn't she be happy?

"Bella?" I whispered. I could feel the eerie calm surrounding us now. The swell of joy I'd felt was slowly deflating as she prolonged the silence. Her eyes were barely focused on me. The tears were streaming fast and thick down her face with no sign of stopping. Her body was still shaking.

I cautiously got up, careful not to startle her. Her eyes were distant but I could see she was registering me. I decided to explain everything before her mood could change again.

"Tanya and Jacob were kissing. I stopped them, I shouted at them. Tanya was doing it to get back at me and you while Jacob was doing it to get back at you alone. They are despicable people. Tanya proved that further by trying to kiss me. That's when you came along. I never wanted to go out with her. I may have tried to use her before and I was sorry for that but she knew I had no real feelings for her. She wanted you to die, Bella. She was actually willing to lose ou to hurt me. But I saved you, Jacob said he did but I saved you. It was me. And now you know everything. You know I saved you, you know Tanya tried to hurt you; you know Jacob lied to you. And you know I love you. "

I gently pulled her hand up to my face and kissed it tenderly. Her eyes widened slightly as she washed my lips brush the back of her hand.

She tugged at it slightly and I let go, unwillingly.

"You know I love you, don't you?" I said softly, my voice cracking slightly under the weight of just how much I loved her.

"Yes," She whispered, glancing down. She bit her lip as if she was struggling to say something. Or didn't want to say something...

She drew her eyes up slowly to meet mine. They were glistening with tears, each lash beaded with a perfect individual drop like a necklace of opals decorating the rims. The glint of sunlight brightened the colour dramatically and I wouldn't be surprised if there was a jade reflection on my face. The intensity of feeling in her eyes, her soul, made me need her to speak. I needed to hear her voice.

I'd never seen her look so vulnerable and so tired. And she'd never looked so beautiful.

"Bella," I pleaded, "You know I love you, don't you?"

I needed her to answer. I needed her to say she loved me too or I would forget how to breathe. I'd forget how to keep my heart beating. I'd forget how to live full stop.

"Yes," She repeated, her intense eyes boring into mine, "But I don't know who you are anymore."

She gave me an apologetic smile that didn't reach her eyes and she floated away silently, like a breeze.

Her words hung in the air and constricted around my throat, choking me. She was gone, around the corner, out of sight. Gone.

I staggered back into the wall and slumped to the ground. I was too hurt to cry, to much in love to be angry with her. I'd always known she was too good for me, so why did it hurt to much when she saw that too? How can it hurt me so much when she has my heart on her hand, in the shape of a kiss? I feel hollow and empty yet without the release of feeling numb too. The hope that had been released in me when she sent Jacob away now fled from me, too afraid to stay around so much pain and hurt. I felt like the opposite of Pandora's Box: instead of trapping hope inside, it was all the bad stuff that remained while hope abandoned me. I closed my eyes and prayed I would die; anything to escape this crushing despair. Anything to stop loving her so much it hurt.

She was the only one who had enough of me to break my heart.

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_Hope you enjoyed this, let me know what you think._

_Ruth out x_

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	21. Chapter 21

_Hello again._

_We're nearly finished! Sad days!! _

_Hope you've been enjoying this, let me know how you think. Depending on how much feedback i get depends on whether or not i'll write an alternate ending._

**Destiny**

**Chapter 21**

Hardest thing I've ever had to do, hands down. Harder than the maths exam, harder than accepting death, harder than breaking up with Jacob.

I was barely aware of my surroundings. One minute I was in school and within a blink I was in my room. I slumped onto my bed, barely aware of taking my bag off, barely aware of the time.

Blink.

It was evening now.

I could hear mum and dad moving around beneath me, and the twins fighting over something. I really didn't want them to see me. I know that I must look bedraggled, unkempt, upset, hollow. I think back to what I did.

I lost Tanya to jealousy and rage.

I lost Jacob to lies and deceit.

I lost Edward to-

_Why did I lose Edward? What had he done to deserve my treatment of him? He saved my life..._

What have I done? I've lost everyone! Tanya, fair enough. Jacob, fair enough. But Edward? Why did I lose him?

I said it was because he'd changed but maybe he never did. Maybe I was just so wrapped with Jacob that I forgot about what Edward was like. I didn't notice what jealousy and bitterness would drive him to.

I hated what I saw in him earlier. He had looked like a feral beast. But that was because of me...

I did that to him. And I could change him back...

_Could I?_

The room was getting stuffier and my thoughts blended with the haze. It was as if they were pouring out of me in a fog, too dense to be contained in my head. The sun was just setting. Perfect to go out for a run. Get some fresh air. Clear my head.

I got changed and was putting distance between myself and my house in no time. It felt so good to feel the rhythm of my feet pounding on the pavement; to feel the cool evening breeze waft through my hair and caress my face; to be in control of my breathing. To be in control of something.

As I ran without direction I passed a man. He was big and butch with a tattoo on his bald head and his muscles straining against the restrictions of the tight grey shirt he wore. He looked like the kind of man people are warned about. He could be a mugger, a murderer, a rapist. He could pose a threat to everyone, he could kidnap children, he could beat up his girlfriend or wife: he could shatter lives.

As I passed him I held my breath and felt my stomach tighten into an involuntary knot. The truth is he could just be a banker, a shop assistant, a doctor, even a volunteer in a charity shop or old folks home for all I know.

We travel down the street passing potential threats everyday. The only reason we continue down the street is because of trust. We trust the people we pass not to hurt us, not to threaten our safety, unthinkingly. We trust them to pass by without doing anything more than smile, maybe even say a quiet "hello."

Our whole world is dependent on trusting that the sun will rise and set from one day to the next; that the newspaper will be delivered every Sunday; that the bins will be collected weekly and that our routines will not be jeopardised.

But things change. People change. Things happen that we don't expect. People change in ways we're not prepared for.

The man I ran past could murder or save someone.

People we think we know can change.

Friends can become bitter and relentless rivals.

Boyfriends can become liars.

Best friends can turn to lovers.

Things changed that I didn't expect to change. I learnt things about myself I didn't know. It took coming to the brink of life before I realised what I would have to leave behind.

My last moments- or what I had thought were my last moments at the time- had been spent thinking of him. I had refused to acknowledge it before but now I had to admit it to myself. I somehow knew he would take pleasure from knowing he would have been the last thing I thought about. And that had made me happy. That had made me rest in peace till I woke up and he was there. I had just refused to admit it to myself for fear it would complicate things. Things couldn't get any more complicated.

I stopped running and found myself in front of Edward's house.

I hadn't set out to arrive here and yet here I was. A part of me had known this was where I'd end up, regardless of previous intentions.

That part of me dragged me up the driveway and lifted my hand to press the bell. I heard the familiar ring buzz around the house and shuffling coming from within.

I held my breath and waited.

* * *

She looked like a mess. Her hair was frizzier than normal, her face was dirty and glazed in sweat but her expression confused me. She looked quite happy, but also nervous.

I didn't care what she looked like, though. She was here.

"I knew you'd come." I said quietly. And it was totally true.

"How?"

"You forget I know you inside out. You said it yourself."

She smiled slightly. There was an awkward pause. Usually she'd have already barged past me and taken up my seat or something but she hovered on the doorstep, still looking nervous.

"Do you want to come in?" I asked, holding the door open a bit wider.

She shook her head, "Actually... I was wondering if you wanted to come out for a walk?"

I was aware of the huge grin on my face as I stepped outside and shut the door behind me. She started walking down the driveway and I had to jog a little to keep up. That used to annoy me but I'd follow her anywhere.

"Where are we going?" I asked, "Anywhere in particular?"

She gave me a coy smile that made my heart pump faster. I didn't realise I had it back till that moment. "You'll see." She said, smiling to herself.

We walked in silence along the road and I was glad to find it wasn't an awkward silence now. We were able to slot back into our old selves who were close enough to not have to fill every silence with pointless conversation.

That would be enough for me for the moment. I had found hope again.

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_Woo, nearly done. mixed emotions here. Thanks to everyone who's reviewed and subscribed. really appreciate you guys :)_

_Till the next chapter x_

_Ruth out x_

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